Good Intentions - Harry Styles Fanfic

Chapter 32 - L'Appel du Vide

-LILAH POV-

"Do you think it could collapse?" asks Charlie. We're in the control little room type thing and Ruby and him are in deep conversation, wondering if the rollercoaster she has control over could snap in half one day. I'm leaning on the white metal panels that are the walls, you can hear the screaming and shouting of everyone having fun. 

"Charlie, the thing is built with the strongest of screws, the guys who built this didn't build it half-assed. People aren't paying to risk their goddamn lives, this isn't Final Destination" Ruby rolls her eyes at him and presses the button that sends the people in the ride up the steep track to the huge adrenaline pumping drop before sitting back down on the stool, everytime the ride starts there is a loud ring. "All I know is I don't like them"

"What? Rollercoasters?" I ask. It's pretty ironic.

"Yeah... I just, I don't know. I don't like speed" she shrugs.

"That's what she said" Charlie mutters and I laugh as she flips him off. "No but seriously" he continues, pointing out to the bright green cart "Just imagine - When they are just about to do the loop-de-loop you could stop the ride entirely and potentially kill them from hanging upside down too long" Ruby and I grimace at each other and look back at him, all a little weirded out by his words.

"What morbid thoughts" she shakes her head.

"No, but seriously. Don't you ever get those thoughts where you're thinking 'I could kill someone' or if you're, for example, standing on the edge of a cliff you get this urge to jump off it. Maybe I'm weird but that's how I feel sometimes. But of course I wouldn't kill anyone" he explains and I somehow relate to him. I remember when I was younger and being in the middle class and thinking what would happen if I screamed right there and then, stood up on the desk or did something really inappropriate. I remember getting the same feeling once when I was messing around with my scissors and the girl sitting in front of me had her pretty long brown hair dangling in front of my eyes. I got the urge to cut it, of course I wouldn't but I could. And the fact that I could have kind of makes you think about every decision you're capable of making.

"Ah, l'appel du vide" Ruby says in her perfect French accent. Charlie and I look at eachother just like I did before with Ruby.

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask.

"It means 'The call of the void'. It's a term in French that is basically what makes you think about the morbid thoughts Mr. Charlie has here" she explains. Well at least it has a name now.

The familiar loud ring goes off, making me jump in surprise and indicating the the ride is now over. The last one of the day, thank god. I was nearly about to finish my shift and loads of people had left so I came here instead. They both laugh at my startled hop, to be fair I'm not used to it. "Why doesn't that scare the shit out of you?" I ask and they shrug.

"Your French freaks me out sometimes... what is it even like having double vocab in your little Parisian brain?" Charlie asks Ruby. She takes a second to think about it before speaking.

"First of all, I don't think I can consider myself a Parisian if I don't live there and secondly it's just like... I dunno, it's natural. I mean I-"

"Really? Because I heard kids growing up as bilingual are left confused or something like that. Like did you become retarded?" he interrupts her.

"Bullshit, that's not true. Do I seem confused?" she interjects.

"Yeah, but like did you mix the two up when learning them? What was it like learning English?" 

"Oh I don't remember, Charlie for god's sake. I was about 5". I take a look and see that everyone is leaving the complex, good. I want to go home and sleep and get my mind off things. My thoughts have been racing since last night and my best non-thinking place is bed. Not that I'm tired considering I was woken up in the middle of the night. I just wish I knew how to feel about this, everything. I'm also still waiting for my dad to bring my car.