SOBER IN THE CITY

Eye Candy

April 29th at 11:17AM by Sara [187 comments]

I stood outside of my meeting and fiddled with my cell, acting like I was in the middle of texting someone. In reality, I was just looking for something that would keep people from coming over to me and starting a conversation, as I waited for Ashley.

Lately I'd grown a little wary of talking to strangers before meetings. Their questions were always the same: How many days did I have? How did I feel? Did I have a sponsor? How did I like the program so far? What step was I on?

Blah, blah, blah.

It'd gotten so repetitive that most of the time I could even tell which question was coming up next. By about the tenth encounter, I had my answers memorized, too. Twenty-eight days. I feel great! My sponsor's name is Thandi. The program's interesting...but I like it so far. Step one.

It's not that what I was telling them was untrue, it was just the sugarcoated version of how I was really feeling. I wanted to say: "twenty-eight of the longest days of my life. I feel like the most boring person on the planet and have gained six pounds in less than a month. I have a sponsor who's a program drill sergeant and already has me working harder than I ever did in school. I think AA might be a cult and I'm not sure I'm ready to become a pod person. How about you?"

Everyone around me seemed so upbeat that I was afraid if I gave them the whole, uncensored truth, they might either ban me from their meetings or else try and pound the happy into me. I wasn't sure which was the better option, and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. So, I kept to the Stepford version of Sara for the time being and tried to keep the Q&A opportunities to a minimum.

Let's just say I'd become very familiar with all the accessories my phone had to offer lately in my attempt to keep myself occupied while I waited for meetings to start.

Just as I found out that I could play Tetris on my cell, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Ashley, who'd managed to sneak up behind me.

"Hey, girl!" she said, wiping beads of sweat from her brow and adjusting her purse on her shoulder. Leaning over and glancing at my cell's screen, she raised an eyebrow at me and let a smile spread across her face. "Tetris? I woulda thought you were more of a trivia girl."

I closed the program quickly and shoved my phone in my pocket, feeling guilty that I'd been caught isolating. "Um, I just realized I had the game on my phone," I stammered as I tried lamely to explain.

"No worries," Ashley said, leaning in toward me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I don't like talking to people before meetings either."

I giggled at the fact that she'd practically read my mind and had the balls to say it out loud. "Won't they revoke your sobriety card if you talk like that?" I asked conspiratorially.

Ashley threw her head back and laughed loudly, causing several smokers near us to turn and stare. Ashley nodded to a few of the onlookers pleasantly then turned back to me. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please," I answered, glad for the change of venue.

We walked across the street and around the corner until we found a Starbucks, and took our place in a long line of thirsty caffeine addicts.

"I heard that Tizzie filled you in on her latest eye-candy," Ashley said, as she gazed at the list of coffee specials.

"Tad Hamilton?"

"Uh huh," Ashley said. "Kudos on the nickname by the way."

I shrugged nonchalantly, but secretly swooned over the compliment.