pellucid. + jhs.

sanshiwu

SHE runs all the way to the park, and into the woods. her socks are now turning into a deep shade of chocolate, mixed with a bit of green and yellow.

her heart starts to suffocate her throat, and her skin starts to scream. she screams out loud, screaming all her pain, her doubt, her broken heart, and her unwillingness to continue on.

the park, the lake, even the woods, started to look just like the place where hoseok came from—black and brown. she makes her way into her and hoseok's hangout, and falls to the ground, sobbing into the crunched leaves.

"i'm sorry, hoseok! i'm so, so sorry," she yells out.

for once, jae feels all the emotions seeping into her bones, flooding in her veins, arriving all the way into her heart. she is so overwhelmed, for she hasn't felt them in such a long time, and that brings her more pain than ever.

she's begging—she's begging so much—for hoseok to come and engulf her into his arms, to kiss her, to tell her that he loves her. but that won't happen anymore, because hoseok doesn't exist, and that makes her feel like an insane f.ucking 16 year old girl, who feels nothing for a long period of time, then suddenly feels everything so violently.

"why?! why, oh f.ucking why," she screeches, as the wind starts to gain momentum.

"i was happy, i was so happy! you made me so happy, you made me feel so needed, so tell me," she sobs out, crushing the leaves in her hand.

"why– don't– you– exist," jae shrieks out, her hands grabbing a handful of leaves and throwing them violently with every word.

"i exist, i am real, why can't you..?"

she starts to quiet down, as her sobs now minimize to quiet, short ones.

then her hand feels something solid beneath the leaves.