The Last Five Years

Poppy

   I learned quickly that the best way to keep on living after the person you loved died was to just wake up every morning and stay busy. Every day, before I went to work, I went on a jog. After the jog, I would take a quick shower, followed by breakfast and getting dressed. That was how every day was.

It had been three months since I had to say goodbye to Peter. Not a day went by that I didn't think about him. For the first month without him, I would go to the cemetery and put a flower on his grave. My family almost got me help. 

 After the funeral, I sold the house. I couldn't do anything without constantly being haunted by the ghost of the man that loved me. It was too painful being in something that reeked of him. 

 Every now and then, I would send Drew a text and I wouldn't be surprised when I didn't get one back. He hadn't been back since the funeral, and I didn't blame him. He didn't even show up to the cemetery to see his best friend buried. 

 "Shouldn't you take that off now?" Annie said to me one day, pointing to the ring I still wore on my finger. 

 "It's only been three months, Mother." I muttered, washing the dishes. I had moved in with my parents, knowing I wouldn't be able to afford living on my own. I think they were starting to get tired of me. 

 "I know, but it's hard for you to move on when you still have that." 

 "I sold all of his things and the house we bought together. I can't sell this." I wiped my hands on a rag, fighting tears that I have held in every day for three months. "I'm gonna go for a run. I'll be back later." I shoved my feet into my running shoes, and bolted out the door. I found myself at the park Peter and I went to together all the time. 

I sat down on a bench, making sure nobody was around before I started letting the tears fall. There was one person I wanted to talk to, and he was giving me the cold shoulder. I pulled my phone out, finding his name and calling it. It went straight to voicemail. 

 "Hey, Andrew," I said, sniffling. "I know we haven't been on the best of terms, but I can't do this alone. I'm living with my parents again. I sold the house and everything he owned." I started to cry again, and I pulled the phone away from my ear. I had to force myself to finish what I had to say. "I know you're busy doing great things in Maryland, but I'm all by myself here. It's only been three months and my mom thinks I need to move on. I see him everywhere, Drew. Everywhere. I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to leave Raymond. There's too much of him here. It's suffocating." I paused to rub my nose on the back of my hand. "I hope you're doing well." I hung up the phone, hoping I would feel better. All I felt was hollow.