The Last Five Years

Poppy

  The next few days were a blur as we prepared for the worst day of my life. My parents insisted I stay with them, but I doubted they noticed I was there. I stayed in bed all the time, hoping that this was some awful nightmare.

On the day of the funeral, I couldn't even force myself to walk. My mom and to my surprise, Drew's mom, had to help do everything. From getting in the shower, to getting dressed and braiding my hair, they helped me. Annie was doing my makeup, her face solemn.

"Don't cry now." She whispered, wiping the tears that were now falling down my face. "Don't cry. You have to stay strong."

"I can't." My voice shook, and my hands were trembling. "I never told him I loved him, Mom. Before he left for work, he told me he loved me and I didn't tell him that I loved him back."

"Honey, he knew you loved him. Everyone did." She brushed a dark red color on my lips, touched up my braid, and helped me stand up. She kissed my temple, and led me outside to the car.

As we passed, people pulled their vehicles over to the side of the road. Some even got out, putting their hands over their hearts. It was eerie, and it only made the gnawing pit in my stomach that much more painful. I didn't know how much more I could take.

When at the church, I stood next to Peter's mother, Sarah. She seemed so small, not speaking much to anyone at all. Everyone came up to give their condolences.

The one person I didn't expect showing up was Drew. But, there he was, walking into the church with his family. We locked eyes, and he forced a smile. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't smile back.

"Hi, Ms. Castillo." He hugged her, kissing her cheek. When he hugged me, he whispered how sorry he was and a quiet I love you. I blinked tears out of my eyes as he walked away.

I sat in the first pew with Sarah, holding her hand tightly. Her body shook as she came to the realization that she had lost her only son. It was impossible to not start at the big picture of him next to the closed white casket. He was in his uniform, smiling at the camera.

I wanted to lay next to the casket. I even debated silently on trying to crawl in. Peter was the most gentle soul. He didn't deserve a death like this.

After giving Sarah a folded up American flag, they proceeded with the ceremony. They spoke of how smart and kind Peter was. They spoke about his mother, and his engagement to me. When all the police officers stood up, and took their hats off, I stood up with them.

"Raymond to Number 287." Silence. "Raymond to Number 287." And one more time. "Raymond to Number 287. Raymond to Officer Peter Castillo." Finally, they said, "Officer Peter Castillo is 10-7, off duty. Gone, but never forgotten."