Your Memes Are Just A Lie (Matt X Desi Fanfic)

cahpster 15

//hello fuks, you r all goin 2 die :) //

I opened the piece of wood on hinges, walked through its frame, and closed the hinged wood behind me before placing my car keys on the door counter back where everyone always kept it. I slipped out of my jacket and put it up on a coat hanger that Pastery and Benito always kept around. It was a colder day today, and the drive over to Swammy Senpai's house and Dora's had been in turn cold with the vehicle's heating machinery being completely and utterly dysfunctional due to its being a shitty vehicle and secretly hating me behind my back.

So I gave everyone that had helped me out to be at the mended emotional state something. So what? They're still idiots in my books, but they deserved it. Since you're probably curious as shit and nosy as Scrooge is a bitch, have a shitty-ass summary.

After breakfast, I invited Hannah, Joe, and Tossa over to Pastery and Benito's apartment hence the phoning and the using of the excellent furnace that created that 'good smell' Benito was talking about. When they came over I gave them a thanks, I guess, and each a cupcake I'd made to which the ham sandwich joked about me totally being flushed for her now and Tossa and Joe going 'too soon, Hannnnnn.' Then Ham mumbled her thanks and you're welcomes for the cupcake, asked for another, I denied her, we went back to being frenemies, and Tossa and Joe did the same. Except Joe gave probably the most sincere you're welcome speech and Tamale slotted in a 'NOW, WILL YOU ROLEPLAY WITH ME?' and I said "NO BITCH."

Then, there came Dora's house. I wrote a short apology card for Dora that was all inspirational and what not, and left a mexican cupcake at her doorstep.

Lastly,  Swammy Senpai. I rang the doorbell, and he was there with that sweaty mexican that gets the biggest bulge boner at the slightest mention of tequila and tamales. Then I said thanks, and I told her that he was right, I couldn't reciprocate any emotions for him, and he was okay with that, and I gave him a cupcake and then I hurried right the fuck off because that mexican suffering from a stage 4 of highly developed tequilaphilia was staring at me the whole time to make sure I wasn't being an asshole to his friendo. Then I left and potentially smiled before leaving. I'm living my own sad little telenovela with underpaid actors and a shitty main character.

When my toe stubbed into something on the floor;

That's when I saw the box.

"OW, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKK. UGH, LIFE. UGH, COMMUNICATION. UGH, NERVES. UGH, FUCK." Pain shot through me and I stumbled back into the door caressing my foot. PASTERRRRRYYYYY!" I shouted not really paying attention to the box. "YOU GOT A DELIVERY." And it fucking murdered my toe. I would add, but I didn't. What the fuck is the box anyways?

I leant over, wincing at my toe and having to frown to make out the messy writing on the box. DESI'S STUFF. It read. In red and I knew who it was from. I winced again, not from my toe this time. Wow, the universe was doing a good job at making my toe mirror the emotional pain it caused to see that box.

I dragged the box over to the middle of the coffee table and sat down on the sofa. I stared at the box. I stared at it so much that if it was sentient it would've thought I was a creep. Not today. Not today. No, this is filling my head with doubts. What if Matt actually wants me to go? He's sending the box over. Maybe in this time, he's moved on – no, that's impossible even if I AM an insufferable prick. If he'd sent me a box of chocolates yesterday he wouldn't have moved on by today. No, I wish he didn't do this. Hadn't done this. Fuck. Even my thoughts aren't straight anymore. Dammit Grover. Why do you have this power over me? This always happens, even in the slightest whenever any big gesture happens.

"The box." I said to myself. "The box, wait, fuck, I said that out loud?" Now I'm talking to myself. Really? No that's something Matt Grover does. Not Desi Williams. No. Grover. Not Williams. Grover. Not Williams.