Why Kaidan is the Best Love Interest in Mass Effect

Thane Krios - Drell Assassin

So Thane Krios. A drell assassin who began his assassin training at the age of 6 and made his first kill at 12. Then some years later, some random civilian steps in his line of fire and he can't stop thinking about her.

Yada, yada, yada... her initial dislike for him turns to love, they get married and have a son. Nice, a family man... uh, no, not so much.

When you meet Thane for the first time, he's just murdered Nassana Dantius in front of you, a woman you met in Mass Effect 1, when you killed her sister who was blackmailing her. He is arrogant and rude. He prays over Nassana saying that "prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken" while completely ignoring you. Your dialogue options really aren't options, since Thane's reply is always the same... "not for her, for me."

Um what? So you killed someone on purpose to "restore the balance of your life" and yet now you're praying for your own wicked soul? Um, again... wth? Do the writers of Bioware know what contradiction means? No, no they do not.

So after a brief, odd conversation he agrees to help you against the Collectors before revealing he's dying. Nice. So you're a murderer, who prays for your own wickedness while killing people and you're dying of an incurable condition.  Um, why am I recruiting you again? Oh, right because Bioware "forgot" that they didn't have any good male LI options for their female players. Whoops! That whole "only single, white, heterosexual males" play these games mentality, still alive and well in 2010.

Okay, so moving on. Once aboard the Normandy, Jacob is not welcoming and thinks Shepard has lost his/her mind by letting Thane join the crew. Um... whatever Jacob, you suck and we'll deal with you later.

So you talk to Thane and for brevity you learn the following, though not in such plain speak as what I've written here. It's peppered with friendly conversation while hiding the stark reality of what Thane has "really" done in his life.

Thane chooses not to change careers in the interest of protecting his new family, instead he continues as before killing people for the Hanar. Low and behold someone takes issue with one of his "hits" and targets his wife who dies. So silent, angry loner that he is, he hunts them down and murders them and rather than stick around to protect his son, abandons him too.

Hmm. Nice background story. Yet Bioware chooses to "soften" him up by giving him polytheism? So an assassin who prays for himself and his victims. Oh and he also doesn't feel anything for those he kills because it wasn't "him" exactly, it was his body. His soul was somewhere else? Maybe it went on vacation?

Okay fine, yes there are some nice qualities about Thane and there are a mass of fans who are totally in love with him. However, if you put his personality and background story in perspective,  his charm and positive qualities are negligible at best.

This is someone who, assuming he's likely in his late 20's or early 30's has been killing people for several decades. This is how he earns a living and spends his time. When not killing people for the Hanar, he meditates, has no friends and doesn't socialize. So we're adding a sociopath to our "save the galaxy" squad? Um... okay.

I don't know what else to say about Thane. Yes, people die. Yes, loss is very sad. No, quoting religious texts and reliving memories as though they're happening now is not a redeeming quality. Or at least not enough to make what you've done in your past okay.

As I'm sure I mentioned before, I played the series backwards the first time around. By that I mean, I played ME3 first, then ME2 and finally ME. After that I played them in sequence. Mostly I kept going backwards because I had heard about Wrex, but had never met him and because I didn't know how "LI" choices affected the story line, I wanted to see it for myself.

So I romanced Thane once, the first time I played Mass Effect 2 and it was okay. I mean, what can I say about a character that wasn't the main focus of the writers at the time? He had very few dialogue options related to romance, and two or was it one? Cut scenes related to romance. So you get to see Thane cry in the romance, he punches a desk and then you fall into bed. Fade to black.

Now we've moved on to ME3 and Thane is in the hospital on the Citadel. He's dying. He's sick, he's not well enough to join you and will die soon. The dialogue for the end of Thane is horrible, inadequate, insulting and stupid. Seriously, why the hell would Shepard ask a dying Thane who can't breathe to join them on the Normandy? How stupid are the writers here? Oh and kissing him passionately in the hospital waiting room? What's good about that?

As for saying goodbye, why did Bioware even bother? You wish him the best and then the next time you see him, he's like "going to die right fricking now" and all Shepard has to say is "you've done enough" and "you won't be alone long" or if romanced "I'll meet you across the sea?"  Who writes this crap dialogue?

So yeah. Maybe if Bioware had spent more time developing characters and less time changing their own lore, down-grading galaxy weapons to "thermal clips," finding new and insulting ways to draw Miranda's clothes, pan the camera over her ass and boobs and poke fun at their own male chauvinism, maybe Thane would have been great.

But they didn't do that, and like many of the characters in ME2, Thane got the shaft in both story, character development and dialogue options. Sorry Thane, but our fans like Garrus and Liara more so yeah, you've gotta go. Buh-bye. See you across the sea.