Two Years

Lawrence - Chapter 13

"But I understand it so much better when you read it to me," he said and I wanted to punch him. English Lit was torture ever since she became friends with him. I couldn't skip it, but I couldn't be here either. I wished I was deaf. And blind.

That could've been me talking to her, dating her if only I'd stayed to see my note through, I knew that. But it wasn't. I wasn't just a lonely coward. I was a stupid ass coward.

"I guess I can stop by today before work," she said, always polite, consenting.

My mouth was dry. I hadn't said a word the entire day. Maybe it was my appearance but no one seemed to bother talking to me. Not even the professors. That's the way I liked it most days. I liked to blend in, be invisible. But today even Jade looked past me. For the first time since the first day I saw her two years ago, she ignored me, and I wondered if I'd finally dissolved.

"Black Flag." I turned when I heard a girl's voice near me. The coffee shop I waited for time to pass between classes had the usual hustle and bustle, and of course, people came and went. No one talked to me. Ever.

I'd been staring at my notebook, once again filled with Black Flag—the only thing I knew how to draw. I'd stopped long ago, but now when my mind ran away, I drew what was natural to me.

She looked familiar in the way I was used to. Safe and familiar. I'd never seen her or talked to her in my life, but I recognized her right away—just like I recognized every girl like her.

Very unlike Jade. Jade was different.

No, the girl talking to me with half a smile and a glint in her eyes was easy—easy to talk to, easy to laugh with, easy to fuck, easy to leave. Safe. Simple and painless. The kind of girl that caused me no worries. Just my type. I was drawn to her and girls like her.

Likeness drew unto likeness. She was easy, I was easy. It was perfect and meaningless.

So, of course it had to be at that moment, when the blond girl with the heavy black eyeliner and pale blue eyes was sitting next to me and I was throwing my dependable, easy moves on her that Jade walked by. She stopped right in front of me with her brows slightly creased, obviously letting me know she was aware of what I was doing. Her bright eyes blinked and her mouth parted, and with that small movement, showing her disappointment. Just as soon as she'd appeared she was gone. Just like that.

I was lost after that, my mind running away with me, thinking a mile a minute about what Jade may be thinking about me now that she knew who I really was. I left the blond girl somewhere in the sidelines. I think she talked to me after but I'd stopped listening the moment I saw Jade. I couldn't even remember when I'd left her or the coffee shop. All I knew was the look on Jade's face and the disappointment she hadn't tried to conceal.

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