Two Years

Jade - Chapter 14

He did pursue girls. I'd witnessed it myself. No way I would've believed it otherwise. I think out of all the scenarios I'd imagined him in, I'd never, ever thought of that possibility.

I was utterly naive.

Of course he'd talk to girls. Of course he'd pursue girls. Of course. What had I been thinking? That he would just skulk around all day like he did those few hours I happened to be around him? Of course not.

He was a guy after all. Hell, he was human.

It was hard for me to admit that the thought of him with another girl—any girl, for that matter—hurt me. It wasn't just jealousy, because I could admit to myself I felt it too, but it was something deeper still. An ache deep in my heart, an anguish so deep I couldn't comprehend it because I'd never felt it before.

The girl was beautiful in a grungy kind of way. Her bleached blonde hair was a little too dry, and her eye makeup a little heavy, but she was undeniably beautiful. Her clothing was black, almost all black. The piercings on her face a warning that she was fierce, strong. Lawrence had a type of girl. And I was nowhere near it.

The look in his eyes as he talked to the beautiful girl had been the same as my ex-boyfriends when he wanted something. I knew firsthand how well that worked. I suppose every guy has a variation of that same look.

I wished I'd never seen it. I wished I'd gone to class instead of the coffee shop. I wished I could forget it, erase it from my mind. I wished when I thought of Lawrence it would be the same as it was yesterday, just a boy I liked and nothing more. This new information had me all sorts of confused.

I tried to not think of what he might be doing now, what he might be doing later. I tried to force him out of my mind, but like a cruel image, it stayed with me, haunting me just like he had these past two years. Unlike before, this memory would always and forever hurt.

Amy was curled up on the sofa when I got home. She was eating ice cream—another rare sight. "I thought you were watching your calories," I said and sat next to her. Ice cream was a good idea.

"I need it right now." She looked at me and her face softened. "Looks like you need it, too," she said and handed me the ice cream. I sat in silence because I didn't know what to say. I didn't have the right to be angry or sad or disappointed. But I still was.

"What happened?" she asked and I was glad she had so I wouldn't have to ask her, though I knew she was depressed. It was only when she was depressed that she turned to ice cream. She always came to me, even though I was the worst at advice—so inexperienced, so entirely clueless. "Is it Jared?" I looked at her then, a little puzzled she would bring him up because Jared hadn't been on my mind the entire day.

"No." I tasted the ice cream, trying to decide whether I should tell her or not. I'd sound petty. Pathetic.

"I can kick his ass," she said and bumped my shoulder with her own. She made me smile. "Boys suck, Jade."

"Yes, they do."

~