Two Years

Lawrence - Chapter 17

I'd made up my mind. I would talk to her. Today I would talk to her. I'd been trying to build up my courage but I'd shunned it for so long it had been hard to coax.

I felt lighter today. Like if the decision to finally talk to her lifted something heavy I'd been carrying. I felt the sun on my face and for once didn't wish to dissolve with it.

I walked into class early like always and waited for her. The smile that formed on my face escaped before I could control it and when I could, I found I didn't want to.

There was a light tap on my shoulder and I turned to see a girl smiling at me. She had red hair, light freckles and light blue eyes. The smile she wore was friendly and I smiled at her, too. I was feeling generous. "My sorority is having a bake sale," she said and I couldn't help but notice the quiver in her voice. She was nervous. "Philanthropy, you know," she said and almost rolled her eyes but stopped herself. A soft blush set in her cheeks, but it fit her. "It's today." She gave me a flyer decorated elaborately and shrugged. "Maybe you can stop by sometime." I stared at her. She was the first person aside from Jade to ever talk to me in this class. And she was normal, too. Not damaged. I nodded softly and told her I would. Her soft, red hair bounced as she walked back to her seat two rows down from me and gave out more flyers.

Maybe it was my smile or maybe it was that heavy weight lifted from me, but I felt the change. I didn't feel invisible anymore. I felt more alive than I had in a long, long time.

Jade arrived, walking around the redhead talking to another classmate about her bake sale and I could immediately feel her, Jade. She sat next to me and I could faintly smell her hair. She smelled like lemons, like sunshine. She didn't even look at me. She sat, took out her book and laughed at something Jared said.

The need to talk to her was heavy in my chest, and my palms itched with the need to talk to her or worry or both. I was afraid my courage would run out, so I had to act fast while my blood still pumped and the anxiety eating me up prevented me from sitting still. I was afraid I'd give up again. But I knew I had to talk to her. I couldn't leave my feelings left unsaid. I didn't trust she would understand them if I didn't tell her.

I took a deep breath and when I turned to her I found her shielded, hidden by her hair. It was tucked to the side that faced me. Her body was turned to Jared, her attention only on him. At that moment, he had everything I wanted. I stared because that's what I was good at. Her hair rippled with her small movements.

Beautiful.

I lost myself staring at her hair and when she turned I was caught. Her brown eyes held mine from behind the curtain of her hair and my heart stopped. She blinked and slowly, softly slid her hair behind her ear. I smiled at her beauty. She smiled back and before she could turn from me I talked to her.

"Hi."

Her soft smile widened.

"Hi."

I didn't know what to say after that. So I didn't. She looked straight ahead then and didn't look at me again the rest of class.

My breath was heavy, my hands were sweaty. I felt alive, and I was the happiest I'd ever been.

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