Saved by Demi Lovato

Inside my head

I know, typical teenage girl, of course her idol is an international pop sensation, that's what most people think anyway. But me, I don't see her as a pop star, yes she is amazing at singing and that is one of the reasons I love her, that's how I was introduced to her, also the meanings behind many of her songs I can relate to. To me she's so much more than all of that , she's an inspiration, she's been through so much, yet she always manages to to pull through and come out on top. In fact, she went through some of the things I'm going through, and more, however, she tackled her fears and conquered every obstacle thrown at her and she stopped harming her amazing body, which is more that I will ever be able to do. I honestly don't understand how anyone could hurt her, she's worth so much more that the pain that she's been through. I don't know how she could ever hurt herself, I hate to think anyway that she once took a blade to her skin or forced her food back out of her precious body, she's so truly astonishing, she has courage, I clearly don't, somehow she always manages to stun me, each time in a new way. Even when I don't see how she hurt herself, I do. Not because of who she is or her looks, especially when its the heart that counts. No. Never. It's because I've been in that state of mind, I know what the demons can be like and how they get inside your brain. You feel like there's no escape, there is for some people clearly and I'm thankful for that, but I'm not one of those people. I'm still in hat state of mind the demons control my every move, they've chained my brain and there's no escape. Not for me. I mean, I've had the people that tell me I'm beautiful, they say that I have the perfect figure, but its not like I can ever believe them, not when I have so many people telling me that I'm ugly, that I'm worthless, that I'm a sick whore that doesn't deserve life. They say I should just kill myself. Eventually, after hearing those words so many times, you start to believe them. What I don't understand is the fact that the hurtful words started when I was three, I was sweet and innocent, I hadn't been hurt, I hadn't felt true pain. The pain you feel when even your own family starts telling you that they wish you were never born, they with they had aborted you, so they never had to put up with such a burden, weighing down their every move. Who could hurt a child? Someone so young doesn't deserve that, those cruel comments get to your head and make you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Then there's the trouble of trying to hide it, 'cause that's what you're supposed to do, right, you're supposed to act like it doesn't effect you because then it will stop, they'll stop saying all of the mean things , that's what the teachers said, that's what even my parents said at first,now their own words are being used against them. It never stopped, it's still going now, nine years down the line and it's still happening, I'm still being bullied. Then there's the people who just look at me like I'm a freak, like I'm weird. I am I suppose. I tell myself that its because of all of the bruises that colour my face (as a result of my  parents) or my untameable hair (an Inherited trait from my father), which aren't my fault and I have tried countless times to cover with no success. But really, I know that it's the disgusting rolls of fat that hang from my body and the horrendous face that I am unfortunately forced to live with. I know that they look at me because I am completely and utterly hideous compared to everyone and I mean literally everyone else.
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A/N

Thanks for reading so far, Stay strong

-Aria x