Augury [Harry Potter Fanfic]

g. six

the less you're seen, the less you are, but I don't even care anymore,

anatomy of a ghost, invisible friend, i won't pay for sanity 'cause i don't want to know. some things are better left alone

::

"So why aren't you using any of the privileges of prefects?"

"I am threatening with detentions and points reduce, what else could I ever want to do in my life?"

"Diggory says that the prefects' bathroom's neat," Lee informed in a shrug.

"Been there once and didn't like it much," Sawyer shrugged as she read through the book in mild-interest. She was half-watching Karkaroff, but Nietzsche's book, Beyond Good and Evil, was consuming. Thus, she was torn between watching the former Death Eater who's been lost in thoughts for over a month, and reading the book-  and now, Lee was questioning her as well.

"What are you even reading, Saw?"

"Just a book."

"You know that the second task's today, right?" Fred asked as he grabbed the book out of her hands. Sawyer frowned.

"Yes, Fred. I'm well aware, thank you very much."

"And you know it starts in twenty minutes?"

"Would you like me to dance naked until it starts?" she asked rather angrily as she grabbed the book back. "You, Mr. Weasley, must stop pointing out things I do not care about."

"But, Saw, it's the second task! How could you not care? We had dragons in the first, the second could be anything!"

Sawyer raised her eyes to her three very excited friends. Were they expecting her to jump up and down with glee?

"I reckon you're right, you know?" she decided to go along with whatever they were on about. "It should be very cool, so how about we head out? Grab a good spot?"

They didn't need telling twice.

::

Being invisible by choice sounded amazing, and for Sawyer, it was always that way. But when you have no choice, and just become invisible to all around you for not being enough, that's when you want to scream out, "I'm here!"

That's when you become desperate, and when you're like that, you're weaker than ever.

If the twins never existed, where would Sawyer be?

She'd possibly still have Meeko though, and that could possibly be enough for her.

Then again, Meeko was no more, and she was supposedly as forsaken and lonely as she never was before, and it felt like a terrible treason on her behalf.

She sighed, waving off the dark cloud looming over her head.

She hugged the coat closer to her body, not bothered by the frost as much as she was bothered by the silence and the loneliness it brought down on her.

Something about Fridays made her extremely submissive to whatever life would throw at her.

"I don't want to be here anymore."

She wanted to scream out. She loved three people so much it hurt, and not being there would mean not being with them. Losing Remus made her feel like she's lost everything, but her three friends had her still breathing.

Until that suffocation feeling closed in on her.

And she didn't want to be there anymore.

With her away, death wouldn't loom over the people she's spent time with.

Her pounding head and blurry eyes could see Harry Potter alive next to a hurt yet breathing Cedric Diggory. Her ringing ears could make out the words "he's returned," and hear the shallow breaths of two terrified teens.

"I don't want to be here anymore."

So she stood up and started making her way out of the forest, fighting tears as she made her way to Dumbeldore's office.

The Gargoyle at the entrance seemed as defeated as she was, eyes drooping.

"May I enter?" she asked the living stone.

He sighed deeply. "Feel free." he's given up on asking for password and simply opened up the door for her to climb the stairs.

Her hand shook as she raised it to knock on the door to the headmaster's office, and she doubted her impulsive decision.

But she still didn't want to be there anymore.

Her hand was still mid-air when the door was yanked open by the headmaster.

"Miss Wilde," he stated in clear surprise, vibrant blue eyes against the mixture of colors in Sawyer's, the mixture that made her eyes look green in dim light, blue in the sun, and twinkling in all colors when happy.

The blue in them was so dull against his own he found himself giving up on going to sleep and stepping back to allow her to enter.

"Would you like to discuss something with me in my office, Miss Wilde?"

There was a window of opportunity slowly closing, and she had a choice; either go through with what her mind told her, or do what was probably the right thing to do.

She tried to swallow down the words with through thick throat, but found herself unable to.

"I don't want to be here anymore."