without a voice » cth + afi ✓

sick

calum

"Hi, mum," I said, holding my phone tighter in my hand as I pressed the speaker to my ear.

"Calum? Why are you calling?" Mum's voice came through the phone, and I bit my lip as confusion laced her tone. I looked around me, making sure not a soul was nearby, before replying.

"I was gonna head over to Ashton's place for a little while, I was just letting you know," I informed her, wandering over to a bench near the entrance of the college. The day was thirty minutes from over, but I had planned on leaving early.

"Oh," was all she said.

"You don't have to pick me up," I told her. "I'll just walk. Like I always do."

I couldn't hold in the dullness of my voice. I was so tired, and today hadn't made anything easier for me. I'm sure I wouldn't get a second of sleep tonight, but maybe if I cleared some stuff up with Ashton it would help.

Mum was quiet for a while, and I shivered as an unexpected breeze made the frigid air waft around me, blowing my fluffy hair from in front of my eyes. "Mum?"

"Sorry. Um, you don't want me to pick you up? Why?" Mum answered, and it was then I recognized the clanking of pots and pans on the other line. She was cooking something.

"You've been busy, I didn't want to hassle you," I replied, wrapping my free arm around me to warm me up in some sort of way. It didn't seem to work very well. The cloudy sky and dark clouds were not very promising, and I was worried I would either get drenched in rain or freeze to death.

"Don't worry about what I'm doing, honey. I'll pick you up," Mum insisted, and I sighed while rolling my eyes.

"This call wasn't supposed to last this long," I groaned to myself, but of course my mother heard and she let out a deep breath.

"I know something happened between you two. I just want to make sure you're okay," Mum admitted, and I held my breath. Had she heard me crying? I certainly hope not. That didn't make me feel anything other than embarrassment, honestly.

"You what?" I asked in disbelief.

"Oh come on, Calum. I can see right through you; don't think for a second that I didn't see the state you were in when you came home last night," Mum mentioned, and I could hear as she took something from the oven. I didn't say anything. "It was also another thing that Ashton wasn't with you."

"That's stupid, nothing happened," I scoffed, suddenly feeling defensive.

"Calum, don't argue with me."

"Nothing happened," I repeated through gritted teeth, ignoring her statement.

I was so desperate to hold on to the thought of Ashton and I as friends that I refused to admit we had a bump in the road last night. I refused to admit that it was all my fault. I refused to admit that I had lost control of my emotions, and that ended up with me sobbing in my bed all alone.

And now it was happening again.

"I don't know what's been up with you recently, Calum, but it needs to stop," Mum snapped, her voice full of desperation even over the phone. I swallowed the lump in my throat, confused to find that my anger had lowered significantly and was yet again replaced by dull feelings and weariness. "We both know that we're moving away soon, but don't let that control you."