without a voice » cth + afi ✓

written confessions

calum

"How did you get sick? It wasn't me, was it?"

I handed Ashton the paper. My words were written out in scribbles due to the trembling in my hands, and I was sure I was going to drop the pencil in my hand. I was nervous, and even more so worried about the boy sitting beside me.

Ashton shook his head at me. His eyes had scanned the paper, but now they were watching me closely, a look of concern drawn on his face.

"Well, it wasn't completely your fault..." Ashton stated in a hoarse voice, trailing off when I looked away guiltily. He cleared his throat, continuing, "I mean, I was kinda lost after you, y'know, stormed off. I stood outside, in that one spot, basically all night. I caught a cold, that's all." Ashton sighed, shivering softly even as he was shielded by his blanket.

I fell back on his bed with a puff of air escaping my lungs. Tears threatened my eyes, but I forced them away. This wasn't the time to cry; this was a time to be serious. But neither of us made a move to say anything.

There was silence. Only for a moment did Ashton not speak or move before he laid down next to me. He covered the both of us with his duvet, enveloping me in warmth.

"It was my fault," Ashton whispered out quietly.

I sat up on my elbow, furrowing my eyebrows skeptically at him. I, for sure, knew that it was mine and not his. Who was dumb enough to try to kiss someone who definitely wasn't ready for it? I wasn't even prepared myself. I was confused as to why I even attempted to press our lips together.

I guess it was just the heat of the moment.

"It's just a kiss, Calum. A kiss. I should've let you do it, but instead I hurt you." Ashton muttered, barely audible. I had to lean in closer to hear it, and that simple movement only brought back memories of when I did the same thing, but with different intentions. "I'm fine with it, I promise."

I stared at him. I could feel his breath on my lips, and I could see my own reflection in his hazel eyes. He didn't move, just looked back at me with that same vulnerable expression that alerted me he was not okay.

I scrambled away from him to grab the paper he had placed at the end of the bed. The beating of my heart was frantic, and my hands were still unsteady.

"You didn't hurt me. I'm sorry I ever said that. It wasn't you."

I held the paper out for him to take. He hesitated at first, but in seconds he was reading my words with haste.

"Then who did, Cal?" Ashton questioned, his voice promptly exchanging in tone. He was stern, but in a concered way.

I knew he was referring to the bruise on my arm, the one shaped like Michael's hand. A chill ran through my body at the thought of Michael; the way he had dragged me, the way he had grabbed my arm forcefully. I never wanted to be that close to him ever again, but without Ashton I was out in the open.

I took the paper out of his possession, writing out that one name that would answer all of his questions.

"Michael."

Ashton was furious.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." He seethed, sitting up abruptly. I shook my head at him in denial, my eyes wide with shock. I grabbed at his wrist, pulling him back before he could stand up. I scribbled more words down that covered most of the backside of the paper.

"Please calm down, Ash."

The sick boy glared at me after he read my words. I didn't take offense to it; he was upset and wanted to defend me. But I would not allow him to harm Michael, no matter the fact that Michael had hurt me.

"You're sick and you need to rest."

"Don't you dare tell me what to do, Cal," Ashton hissed, taking me by surprise. I frowned and scooted back a ways from him on the bed, giving him space. I continued to remind myself that he was just tired, confused, stressed, and sick. When he realized he had snapped at me, his face softened significantly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

I shook my head at him sorrowfully in the middle of his apology, playing with my fingers in my lap. I avoided eye contact the best I could. I then retrieved the paper, realizing I would need another blank one since this one was running out of space, and scrawled out more words.

"I'll stay with you for a while, but you have to promise me you'll get some rest after I leave."

I was frustrated with the small corner that was left on the paper, but it worked out anyways. Ashton squinted to read it, and it was then I figured he must need glasses, if he didn't have them already.

"Fine," Ashton sighed in mock annoyance. I rolled my eyes at him, smacking his bare arm for him to continue. "Ow. I promise to sleep after you leave. But when are you planning on leaving?" Ashton pouted. All traces of his anger had dissipated, leaving behind the Ashton I adored.

I exhaled softly in solace when Ashton read my mind and brought me a new sheet of paper to write on. He smiled sweetly, climbing onto his bed again and sitting next to me. I watched for a moment as he cuddled up into the warmth of his duvet again, still in nothing but his boxers. I flushed with awkward comfortableness; don't ask how that works, I don't know either.

His gleaming hazel eyes then watched me, awaiting a response.

"After I tell you everything that needs to be said."

I handed him the paper, holding the pencil tightly in my possession, and got comfortable on the bed. Before he read over my words, Ashton covered me with his duvet again and pulled me closer to him. I blushed a bright red, hiding my face in my hands as he smiled.

"What is it that you need to tell me?" Ashton asked after a few brief seconds of quietness. I moved away from him just enough to see his face, eyeing him. I took the paper from him, silently writing out my response.

"There's more to this problem dealing with Michael than what I've told you."

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Sorry for the long wait!!! Had finals the past two weeks and couldn't get an update out, but here it is!!! Hope you like it :)))