Hard to Love You

Chapter 22

Two weeks.

That's how long it's been since I've talked or seen Tyler. And if I was to be honest, it's killing me. I miss his smile and his touch and the way he made me forget about my problems by just looking into his green eyes. I've been crying less frequently.

Tyler's been calling at least five times a day. Leaving voicemails every time. I never pick up. And I never listen to the voicemails. I delete all text messages before reading them. Daniel and Veronica has been helping out a lot. Not bothering me while listening to music. But comforting when they know I need it.

I can tell Daniels pissed at Tyler. I don't want him to be. But he is. I've realized that I'm not mad at Tyler. Just hurt. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Stupid.

School has been out still since another winter blizzard hit us and gave us an additional eight inches. Most of the snow had already melted from before but all that snow doesn't help. I'm just pissed they are taking away days from our summer.

My dad has been doing good. From what I can hear he is more sober, only drinking every now and then. He seems more happy and alive and I'm really happy for him. I really miss him though. He may not have been the best parent but he's my dad and I love him. It cost to much to go visit him so we talk once in the morning and once at night.

I was currently sitting on the living room couch with my phone beeping every now and then with texts and voicemails. My hair was in a messy bun and I had no makeup on. I was wearing yoga pants and a baggy grey tee.

I was watching Titanic and balling my eyes out with Veronica while Daniel stayed upstairs and play video games. Veronica got a tissue then handed me the box. I took a tissue and blew me nose hard. I threw it onto the ground with the big pile already on the floor.

" He can't die! It's not fair!" Veronica cried.

I sniffled and wiped my eyes and laughed.

" He did though."

The credits were rolling and we sat there.

" Best movie ever. I never get tired of it," Veronica said.

" I agree. I'm actually a softie for this movie."

She laughed and turned the tv off. She faced me and sniffed again.

" So still no talking with Tyler?"

I shook my head but my chest squeezed a little.

" Nope," I said popping the p.

" It's been two weeks. You still aren't ready?"

I sighed and grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around myself.

" I just don't know what I would say when I talk to him or face him," I admitted.

" Oh don't worry about that. When you two talk or come face to face you will know what to say."

" So you and Daniel been getting close. How you feel about him?" I asked, switching the subject.

Since we have been hanging around each other so much she knows when I don't want to talk about something anymore.

" He's amazing. Great guy. Treats me like a queen. I never thought I'd meet a guy like him. He's so special. He's... Different."

I smiled.

" He's a keeper."

She smiled back. Just then my phone began ringing. We both looked at it and waited for it to go to voicemail. She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, facing me.

" Talk to him."

" No."

" Yes."

We stared at each other for a while but I gave in. I blinked several times and curled up even tighter underneath the blanket.

" Fine," I mumbled.

She raised both eyebrows shocked but quickly turned it into a smile. She clapped excitedly and I rolled my eyes.

" Next time he calls," she stated.

Just then my phone began ringing. I frowned and let it ring. Veronica was about to accept the call but it already went to voicemail.

" Oops," I said with a shrug.

She scowled but put my phone on speaker. I heard Tyler's voice and my chest squeezed and I closed my eyes tight.

" Hey. Ashley. Yeah. Call me. Text me. Anything. I need to see you. Hear your voice. See your smile. Hear your laugh... I fucked up bad. I'm sorry. I miss you. I love you."

The voicemail ended and I breathed in and out quickly. His voice. Oh my gosh his voice. I bit my bottom lip and opened my eyes. God I miss him.

" Dial his number for me," I whispered before I could rethink it.

Veronica looked at me shocked.

" You sure?"

" You are the one who talked me into it aren't you?" I snapped at her.

She didn't seem bothered by my remark and dialed his number. She put it on speaker and handed it to me. He picked up on the first ring. Both of us didn't say anything. We jus listened to each other breathe and I weirdly felt somewhat better.

" Ashley?" Tyler said hesitantly.

I bit my bottom lip. I took a deep breath then let it out slowly.

" We need to talk. Come here. Now," I said quickly before hanging up.

I put the phone down and looked at Veronica. She was smiling and leaned in to give me the biggest hug ever.

" I'll go up to Daniels room."

She got up and left me by myself.

Wait.

I'm not ready to face him yet.

Shit.

***

I played with my fingers as I waited for Tyler to come. What will I say? What will he say? The doorbell rang and I looked at it anxiously. I got up, the blanket wrapped around me tightly, and went to the door. I now regretted how I didn't make an effort to look at least decent. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I took in his appearance. He had both of his hands in his jeans pockets. His jeans rested low on his hips and had a blue sweatshirt on. I looked up to his face and tried not to take a breath. I forgot how incredible his green eyes were. He had faint bags underneath his eyes as if he hasn't been sleeping well.

Well that makes two of us...

Before I could get lost in his eyes I looked away. I opened my door wider and stood aside.

" Get inside," I mumbled.