Hard to Love You

Chapter 23

I sat down on the couch and pulled the blanket tighter against me. Tyler sat on the same couch but on the far end. He stretched out his legs and rubbed a hand through his hair, forgetting it was gelled. He scowled to himself and tried to fix it.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow back. Honestly, I just didn't know what to say.

" I don't know what to say," Tyler said.

Well at least it's not only me.

" How long have you and Julie been going out?" I asked.

" Six months."

I nodded.

" Do you love her?"

He shook his head.

" No. I broke up with her the same day you found out."

I looked at him shocked.

" Why. Six months is a lot of time to be with someone!"

He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

" I only love you," he said softly.

I snorted and looked down at my lap.

" Bullshit."

I wanted to believe it so bad. But I know I can't. Not yet. He groaned and I looked back up at him.

" Ashley. Stop trying to push me away. I love you. I fucked up. The reason I cheated on her was because when I saw you in detention. I was drawn. I wanted to get to know you. I mean, I one what people said about you but that because they don't know you. They don't know you like I know you."

" Did you explain everything to her?"

" Yeah. She wasn't too happy. Especially that it was you."

" Especially it was me. What's that supposed to mean?"

He rolled his eyes.

" Your reputation and how people see you."

I nodded. We sat in silence for a while.

" You know, you really hurt me."

I blinked a couple times and played with a thread that had escaped. I heard him sigh.

" I know."

" You promised to try and not hurt me. Mentally or physically."

" I kept my promise for physically."

I groaned.

" But you didn't even try for the mentally. You knew what you were doing."

" Look at me."

I continued to play with the thread.

" Look at me."

I was scared to look into his eyes. To see he was telling the truth.

" Ashley! For goodness sake, look at me!" he shouted.

Startled I looked at him. He stood up abruptly and pulled on his hair slightly.

" Ashley. I love you. You're different. You're beautiful. I've never felt this way about a girl before. You call me asshole and I call you sweets and we pretend that we hate it when we both love it. When we kiss we get heated quickly."

I stood up and got into his face.

" Maybe I really do think you are an asshole. Maybe I don't love you. Maybe only you get heated. Maybe I never cared," I said raising my voice.

" But you do! You do love me. You do get heated. You love it when I call you sweets. You do fucking care! Stop acting like you don't! Maybe you are scared to let me in!"

I took a step closer to him so our chest were touching.

" Maybe I am scared! Maybe I'm scared of being hurt again. Maybe I'm scared of trusting. Of depending on people then them not being there in the end. Maybe I'm fucking terrified!"

" It's going to be hard. Shit, it's going to be hell! But I don't care. I want to yell and get frustrated with you. I want us to make put passionately. I want to do everything with you! I'm willing to go through hell with you. Because you are worth it. You're fucking worth it!"

We stated at each other, both of us breathing heavy from anger. He broke his gaze and turned around, running a hand over the back if his neck.

" You're so damn frustrating!" he exclaimed, kicking the couch.

" Well so are you!" I screamed back.

He came back to me and stood so close I could smell his breath. It smelled like chili.. I oddly didn't mind though.

" Stop being stupid, ok. Just stop."

I looked into his eyes and he stared back into mine.

" Stop being an ass."

He raised an eyebrow.

" No hole?"

" I'm mad at you. Don't even try to make me smile," I said with a grimace.

He searched my eyes and seemed to be thinking. He opened his moth then closed it quickly. I could see he was thinking again and it was starting to bug me.

" So how's your dad?" he asked gently.

I blinked several times then stepped away, sitting on the couch and letting the blanket comfort me. I'm in love with this blanket.

" He's doing fine."

He nodded and stood awkwardly. I raised and eyebrow and looked down at my fingers. He cleared his throat and sat down next to me but from a distance. I wanted him to hold me and tell me this was a terrible dream and he never hurt me. That he loves me and will never let me go.

" So where does this leave us? I mean I do love you but I admit to fucking up. I don't want to lose you Ashley."

He was looking at me with his green eyes that I missed and sighed.

" Friends."

He burrowed his eyebrows.

" Friends?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled. And a real smile. He's so stupid.

" As in not hate each other. Hang out. Level lower than relationship."

He looked at me for a while then gave in and gave a small smile.

" Thanks for the definition."

We both smiled at each other. It felt kind of good to be just friends. At least we will still see each other. I heard somebody clear their throat and Tyler and I looked up to see Daniel and Veronica. Her face was red and Daniels hair was messed with. I made a face and Veronica winked. I didn't even hear them come downstairs.

" Tyler. Want to come in my room?" Daniel asked. By his tone I could tell it wasn't a question but more of a command.

I groaned.

" Daniel."

He gave me a look and I shut up real quick. Tyler sighed and got up, walking up the stairs and Daniel following. Veronica came and sat down beside me.

" I want all details," she said, crossing her legs into Indian style on the floor in front of the couch.