METANOIA

HEART

Sleep deprivation is one hell of a drug.

Wheeeee! Buddy zoomed past him on his blue motorized unicycle with his cartoon robe fluttering about, leaving a colorful trail.

Barry's pinkies were deep inside his ears trying to fight off the ringing.

Lucy's features became more and more twisted depending on what Barry was on. He walked beside Barry like an aide, keeping perfect pace with his footsteps.

Barry wished he had taken the car to his house instead of walking. His flip flops were really cutting the webbing between his toes. Between the various burns and cuts, that was now the least of his worries.

As sleep beckoned him, Barry felt his limbs become heavier. Even walking on pavement started to feel like he was knee deep in mud. All the sweating made him dehydrated.

He had checked his phone compulsively ever since he left Melinda, to see if she'd called. His last fragments of hope clung on as reality sank in. He still hadn't fully processed what a monster he had become in the last two days. His battery management was far worse than Silas' as his phone was almost out of juice. Disheartened, he put the phone back in his pocket.

He fished out one of the American Spirits he nicked from Taylor and lit it. He almost offered one to Lucy, until he realized he was just a figment of his imagination.

As he walked, Barry had been experimenting with pain management. There was no way to prevent his shorts from sticking to his thigh, each movement either peeled it off further or stuck more of it over the wound. He had given up on that battle entirely. The missing incisor liked the pressure from his tongue. He discovered the ringing in his ears intensified when he pulled on his earlobe. Now, if he could only find a way to lessen it he'd be happy.

He reached into his pocket for another pill. He had been taking the same one for the fourth time in a row now. Whatever it was, it made him more energized but kept increasing his heart rate. He was not fond of the palpitations, but it was the only pill that helped his sleep deprivation at this stage.

"You don't look so good, Barry." Lucy looked genuinely concerned for the first time. His horns bent and twisted as he spoke. Barry could feel it too. His body was finally snapping under the pressure of all the chemicals he had exposed it to.

He coughed on the American Spirits. He watched his cigarette fall on the ground as the burning tip flew out.

"Fuck..." He muttered.

Buddy smashed into a van and flew over it as he said that, leaving behind a rainbow cloud in the process. Even his comic relief wasn't of much help. Barry had to slow down. But the sun, that pulverizing ball of fire, just wouldn't leave him the fuck alone.

He felt a slight numbness starting on the fingertips of his left arm, but didn't think much about it.

He was walking toward his car near Taylor's house. He wanted to stash his gun as the weight of it had started to wear him down. He was surprised at how quickly it had become an overwhelming burden. He was happy he could at least tighten his shorts. Even with the drawstring, they kept falling off.

He was also cripplingly hungry. He hadn't eaten anything in such a long time. He could eat a horse, perhaps even a man.

He approached Taylor's house and made his way to the parking lot. He didn't want to face Taylor now. He got inside his car and opened the glove compartment to stash the gun. He found Melinda's secret stash of aspirin. This was the best thing he had stumbled upon in a while. His hands shook as he struggled to take three. That numbness in his arm was increasing continually. In the depths of his mind, this was sending warning signs, but he just shrugged it off. As he was placing the gun back, he saw Sarah enter the house and ducked instinctively. Taylor had company, it seemed. From one of the windows, he saw the figure of a man walk past.

He started the car and drove for maybe half a block away from Taylor's house when he concurred something was definitely wrong with him. He had started trembling. The numbness in his arm increased continuously. Now there was also a lump on his chest that was becoming more and more prevalent.

He pulled into an alleyway, and barely had enough control to park his car. It was a well-isolated spot, surrounded by trees. Barry took solace in their shade.

Barry was all by himself, and his useless hallucinations were just sitting there, laughing at him as he formed a fist on his chest. He had never felt this alone in his life. It wasn't just the loneliness, but also a sense of impending doom.

It wasn't necessarily chest pain that he felt, but rather, tenseness across his back and a distinct sense of wrongness. There was urgency as his body sent him all sorts of warning signs. Soreness traveled up and down his spine.

Lucy smiled at him, "Maybe you ought to take another aspirin, Barry." He suggested. He complied. Took two. He started massaging his chest as it was becoming more and more tender.

Barry wasn't certain, but he felt like he was having a heart attack.

His jaw painfully clenched as he tried to lean back in his chair. His movements were becoming more and more constricted as his breathing became more strained.

The aspirin he took earlier was working, but he struggled to find that sense of normalcy. The pain in his chest increased. It was pushing outward from within. He was helpless; he couldn't go to the hospital. He was sure it would take a while before anyone found his corpse in these woods. Dizziness and nausea lingered, but it wasn't something he couldn't handle.

He stayed inside the car and turned on the radio as he tried to relax. Twenty One Pilots was on, an older song of theirs called Trees. Tyler Joseph's soft voice filled the inside of his car.

"I know where you stand

Silent in the trees

And that's where I am

Silent in the trees.

Why won't you speak

Where I happen to be?

Silent in the trees

Standing cowardly."

No one else was there in the woods with him, just him and his madness. No Melinda, no Seth and, yet, even though she was so close, not even Taylor. He was all alone, silently sitting as he tried to muster the will to keep going.

The aspirin was helping break down the clotting in his system. Even from afar, Melinda's presence in his life had saved him. The person responsible for his downward spiral was now his savior.

The music echoed in his head. He was lost in tears; his pain welded to the spirit of the sound.