In Too Deep

Chapter 1

"Hey, Lukey?" I heard my twin call as he once again walked into my room without knocking. I chose to ignore his presence just to teach him a lesson. "It won't stop bleeding and I'm starting to feel dizzy."

"What?" That caused me to look up at him, and what I saw made my eyes widen and my chest tighten in fear. Jai was holding a blood-soaked towel tightly around his bleeding wrist. "Jai, what happened?!" I was immediately up and running to his aid.

"I had an accident, I guess." He answered vaguely. I narrowed my eyes at him as I rushed him into my bathroom and tried to stop the bleeding. He looked away when we made eye contact, so I knew he was obviously lying.

"Jai..." I whispered when I unwrapped the towel and got a good look at his wrist. It was obviously self-inflicted, there was no denying it. "You wanna tell me the truth?"

"I...sometimes I get a little sad so....I just sort of cut the feelings away." He answered before shooting me a fake smile. I pressed down harder on his arm with a fresh towel. The bleeding had slowed down significantly, but it was still slowly oozing.

"I don't even know what I want to say..." I trailed off as the bleeding finally stopped. There were just so many thoughts running through my head and I couldn't comprehend any of them.

"Then don't say anything and I'll just leave you to it." Jai suggested before trying to make a sneaky getaway. I reached up and caught his shoulder before he could. There was no way he was getting away with this.

"You weren't trying to-" I was going to ask him if he was attempting to end his life, but he quickly cut me off before I could finish my sentence.

"No, Luke! Never." He said quickly. I could tell he was being completely honest, and I let out a breathe I didn't even know I was holding. "It's nothing, Luke. Really. I just accidentally cut a little too deep this time. That's all."

"I don't understand. Jai, when did this happen?" It was becoming too much for me to take in. My twin brother self-harmed behind my back.

"I don't remember. A few years ago, maybe." He answered with a thoughtful look on his face. He spoke like it was no big deal. Like it was just an everyday occurrence to find your twin brother with a gashed open wrist. I don't know how Jai was being so calm, but I was honestly terrified.

"Years!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah. It's not a big deal." He made eye contact with me. "I get stressed out, Luke. A lot. And, I just don't know how to deal with it. This helps. It's how I cope."

"This isn't a good coping mechanism, Jai!" I yelled before forcing myself to calm down again. "Look, if you're depressed we can get you on some medication or something."

"I'm not depressed, though." Jai argued. How was slicing into your skin on a regular basis not being depressed?

"You're not?" I blinked.

"Nope." He chuckled at my confusion. "I mean, yeah, I do get sad sometimes, but so does everyone. I mainly do it to relieve the stress I get everyday. Plus, when I do get sad, this fixes it."

"You can't do this Jai." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "I'm your twin, just talk to me when you feel that way."

"Nah, I'm good." He refused, taking me by surprise.

"What? Why?" I questioned.

"Would you have noticed something was wrong if you hadn't of seen this?" He asked me. I thought about it. I couldn't honestly say that I would have. Jai seemed like one of the happiest people in the world once he opened up to you and got past his shyness. I never even noticed him get upset to the extent that he felt the need to do this to himself.

"I don't know." I answered.

"My point exactly." He poked the tip of my nose teasingly, before leaving my room.

I was left alone with my thoughts. Could I help someone that didn't want to be helped? Was it possible?

I didn't know, but I would help Jai whether he liked it or not.

I cleaned up my bathroom of the blood and threw the stained towels in the trash. Pulling out my phone I decided to text Jai.

"Hey, I just want you to know that I love you. I know I kind of freaked out on you, but just know that this doesn't change a thing." I texted to my twin. I knew it would irritate him slightly, but I needed him to know that I cared. I knew Jai. If you didn't let him know you loved him occasionally, he would stop believing that you really did.

"Ok. That's nice." Came my twin's sarcastic reply.

Great. He's shutting me out. That's just what I needed. I don't know what to do!