In Too Deep

Chapter 5

I was right. Jai did end up getting sick. It's what he gets for not listening to me and living in a tub of cold water with clothes on.

I walked in on him puking his guts out the next morning, when I went to check on him. He was only wearing boxers and I was clearly able to see most of the damage he inflicted on his thighs. I didn't understand what would make a person do that to themselves. I was quickly growing frustrated at my own thoughts as I watched Jai heave into his toilet again.

"Luke. I don't feel good." Jai whined, sitting up. I chuckled at how miserable he looked. Jai tried to stand up from the floor, but only ended up falling backwards again. I rushed to catch him and he mumbled out, "Really. Don't. Feel good."

"I know, Little Jye." I couldn't help but tease him. He tried to glare up at me, but only ended up looking like a kicked puppy. I couldn't contain my laughter any longer. Jai's head tipped over onto my shoulder in a groan as I helped him get back to bed. I hurriedly tucked him in and told him to go back to sleep. He shut his eyes and I waited a minute before trying to slip out of the room.

"Hey Luke..." Jai called out, stopping me in my tracks. "Can you stay with me."

"Of course, Jai." I turned back around and sat down on the floor next to his bed. It was silent, and I started to think he fell back asleep.

"Do you ever feel like you just shouldn't be here?" Jai's question both startled me and sent chills down my spine.

"Jai, if you're implying what I think you're implying then..." I trailed off.

"I am." Tears started to fall down my twin's face. "It's just sometimes I feel like no one actually wants me here. It's stupid, but I just feel worthless and like I should just disappear for good to make everyone happy."

"Jai, no. You can't think like that." Now I was crying to at this point. "It's not stupid. We all love you so much. I know that I would be absolutely lost without you in my life. You're not worthless. You're an amazing person, and I'm proud to have you as my twin."

"I'm just not enough." Jai sighed before drifting off to sleep.

I couldn't believe what Jai had just told me. It had taken him getting sick to tell me, but I finally learned more about what was wrong than ever before. Jai had always pretended he was fine when he really wasn't. It was my job to make sure he couldn't do that anymore.

I had been too lenient with Jai's self harming. I can't exactly make him stop, but I'm his twin brother so I'm sure I can find some way to stop him. I couldn't get the image of his thighs out of my head. They looked absolutely destroyed, and had scars everywhere. Each little scar was a moment that nobody was there for him, and honestly that's kind of sad.

If you think about it, there are millions of people in the world. We have thousands of fans included in that. Yet, there's not a single person Jai feels like he can go to when he needs someone the most. He couldn't even go to me, his twin brother. Or even Beau. Beau may not be the best brother, but he cares and would do anything for either of us. Jai didn't go to either of us, though. He chose to find a friend in a blade. A piece of metal that's only purpose at that moment was to hurt him.

It makes me feel bad since I was just in the next room. I could've stopped it. I should've been there when he needed me most, but I wasn't.
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"What's your deal?" I was at the table thinking about what I wanted for lunch when Beau came in.

"Nothing." I sighed, food probably wasn't a very good option right now.

"Luke. Just tell me." Beau did a funny face to try to make his eyes look wider and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's just...I have this friend." I started. I glanced at Beau and saw that his attention was focused solely on me. "My friend is depressed and I don't know how to help them. Every time I try to they either shut me out or lie to me and say that they're fine. What should I do?

"Just be there for them. Try not to get frustrated, because I'm sure this isn't any easier for them. Above all else, don't give up on them. If you give up on your friends, then that's what causes them to give up on themselves." Beau spoke wisely. It wasn't often I asked my older brother for advice. On the rare times I did, he magically had the answer like he had already put thought into it and knew what I was going to ask.

I couldn't give up on Jai. If I gave up on him, then he would just stop fighting. I couldn't let that happen. I had to be there for him whether he wanted me there or not. It definitely wouldn't be easy, but I knew I had to do it. I couldn't lose my twin. Not when he's already lost himself.