In Too Deep

Chapter 7

By the time we made it to my room, Jai was full-on crying. I knew that I needed to calm him down if I wanted to talk to him anytime soon. I pulled my blanket off of my bed and wrapped it around him, knowing from experience that it would calm him down.

"Jai, talk to me." I spoke calmly, not wanting to scare him away.

"I'm sorry." He cried, shaking his head. "So, so sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Jai. Beau's just a huge jerk. You know that." I tried to soothe him.

"It's my fault, though. It's my fault our family isn't happy. If only I wasn't so stupid then things wouldn't be this way!" He whispered, playing with his fingers.

"That's not true!" I gasped. "We all love you, Jai. Never forget that."

"Your love doesn't mean a thing if I can't love myself." Jai whispered.

"You...you don't love yourself?" I asked, finding it hard to believe my twin hated himself.

"If you were me, then you would be disgusted too."

"Is this why you've been so depressed-"

"Not depressed." Jai cut me off. "Stressed and self-conscious."

"Why are you stressed and self-conscious then? You look like me and I'm gorgeous, so why would you be self-conscious?" I reasoned.

"It's not so much looks as it is personality." Jai responded."Luke, leave me alone already. I don't feel like talking about this anymore."

"But..." I started, before trailing off. I realized it was too late. Jai had shut me out again.

-

When Jai stopped talking to me, I decided to go find Beau and talk some sense into him. Jai was hurting and Beau had only made it worse. He didn't mean to do it, but sometimes he just had a way of hurting Jai when he was at his most vulnerable.

"What was that!?" I questioned loudly when I finally found Beau. "Our little brother told you a secret and you freaked out on him!"

"Did you know?" Beau asked simply. I bit my lip guilty. I knew, but I chose not to do anything about it.

"Of course I knew. He came into my room one day after he accidentally cut too deep." I answered honestly.

"And you didn't do anything?" Beau growled.

"I'm trying to, but he shuts me out if I'm too persistent. He claims he's only stressed and he cuts as a stress reliever." I supplied. Beau looked at me in disbelief.

"And you believed him?!" Beau shrieked. "Luke, you know better than that. Jai's your twin. He knows how to talk his way around you better than most people. You can't let him do that with something this serious."

"It's really not that serious." I didn't even sound convincing to myself. "Jai's not suicidal or anything and he's careful when he cuts for the most part."

"Luke, you can't honestly tell me you actually believe the nonsense that's coming out of your mouth" Beau stared at me. "Jai has a problem and whether you choose to see it or not, he needs help."

"B-But Jai said-"

"Listen to me carefully... Jai is manipulating you!" Beau interrupted me.

"I...what do we do?" I sighed in defeat. Beau shot me a sympathetic look. Jai was his little brother, but he was my twin brother. It was naturally harder for me, since Jai and I have practically been a package deal our whole lives.

"I don't know, Luke. We'll figure something out." He reassured me.

"Ok I'm going to go check on Jai."

"You don't need to..." A voice from the doorway said painfully. I turned my head to see Jai in the doorway looking extremely guilty.

"Jai, are you okay?" I asked, voice laced with concern.

"Yeah. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.  For everything I've done." Jai refused to make eye contact with either of us.

"Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?" I asked worriedly. Jai raised an eyebrow at me and let out a nervous laugh.

"Because you worry too much, obviously." He reasoned.

"What about me?" Beau asked straight-faced.

"Well, I know you don't really worry about me, so it's fine. Luke is basically a mother hen, though." Jai explained, causing Beau's face to fall.

"I do worry about you, Jai. More than you ever know."

"Sure."

"Jai, I'm not letting you cut anymore." I let out, making an impulsive decision. He was my brother, and it was about time I actually really did something about his self-harm. "You shouldn't be doing it. It's not healthy and I won't lose you."

"You know what, Luke?" Jai chuckled, "I thought you actually cared, but now I guess not. Come talk to me when you quit being such a jerk."

I watched my brother leave the room in silence. I turned to Beau. He had a proud look on his face, but at the same time he seemed sad.

"That's what needed to be done, Luke. Don't let him get to you." Beau comforted me. I nodded slowly.

"What now?" I looked down at my older brother, waiting for him to supply me with the answers I needed.

"Find his blades and take them, to start. Maybe try to find out the real reason he cuts." Beau said thoughtfully.

I wasn't prepared for what I was about to do at all.