In Too Deep

Chapter 3

I woke up to find Jai hovering next to my bed. That was odd. It didn't seem like he knew I was awake, either. What to do? What to do? I decided to just wait and see what he was going to do.

"Luke, I'm sorry." Jai whispered, obviously thinking I was asleep. "I'm sorry, but I can't be a decent human being like you want me to. I can't stop cutting, and I see no reason to." Jai was crying by now. He reached out and started to stroke my hair. Sometimes I really don't understand my brother. Why can't he tell me this when he thinks I'm actually awake?

"Jai, what are you doing in here?" I asked him, sitting up and yawning. Jai yanked his hand away from me in shock. He obviously wasn't expecting me to wake up. His eyes were wide as he stared down at me.

"I-I...I don't know." Jai stuttered. He turned and looked away from me. I could see a look of confliction on his face. "I just...I don't know."

"What's going on with you? Come one, Jai. I need you to talk to me." I begged my twin.

"Do you ever feel like you're not worth it?" Jai asked me suddenly.

"No. I can't say I do." I narrowed my eyes in thought. "Do you ever feel like that?"

"Yes." Jai gasped out. "Sometimes I just want to disappear because I know I'm not worth it and I never will be."

"Um." I ruined the moment we had been having. I didn't know what to say to that. How was I supposed to cheer him up when I didn't understand?

"You don't understand and you never will. That's why I cut. It's the release I need. It helps me to not feel like I'm drowning just for a little bit."

"I get it. I'll stop harassing you about it," I bit my lip. "Just promise me you'll stay safe, and if you ever do want to talk to me I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Luke." Jai smiled. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"Yeah. Yeah. Now if you'll excuse me, we both need our sleep."
-
We were filming a daresundays video, today. That much I knew. What we were doing, I couldn't tell you. Beau and Daniel were arguing worse than I've ever seen them argue before. It was really stupid. It was over who vomited 'the best'. I had no idea what they meant by that, but the fight had been going on for at least 20 minutes now.

Jai was laughing hysterically. Every now and then he would jump into the fight and throw in a point that had everything and nothing to do with it just to see how long they would go at it. It was weird how much he was enjoying this, but then again he always has been kind of demented.

To tell the truth, I thought it was weird that he was able to laugh so much considering he self-harms on a regular basis. That type of behavior fits in more with someone who was always crying. It just wasn't my brother.

"Lukey!" Jai cheered, running up to me.

"Yes Jai?" I still didn't understand how he was so happy.

"Look." Jai held up his hands to show me that he had taken both Daniel's and Beau's phones. He really was a little devil in disguise.

"Should we leave them a little message on twitter?" I asked chuckling at the two oblivious boys that were still fighting. Jai's mouth turned up into a smirk. He handed me the two phones and told me to aim the cameras at him and start recording.

"Hey Beau and Daniel!" Jai smiled happily. "So, right now you two are arguing about who can vomit better, whatever that means."

"Oh so I'm not alone in being confused by that." I said.

"Nope it's pretty weird." Jai nodded before continuing. "Let us know if it's just a twin thing or if Beau and Daniel are just weird!" Jai did a thumbs up at that. "Anyways, you guys tell me not to leave my account open, what a shame. Anything to add Luke?" Jai grabbed the phones from me and pointed them in my direction.

"You better watch out Beau and Daniel! If we don't start filming soon, me and Jai are gonna get you good!" I shut the camera off and posted the video to both their Twitter accounts. "What was that all of the sudden, Jai. You usually don't go out of your way to prank them like that?"

"Don't know. Just felt like it." He replied, not making eye contact. "I just feel like I'm on top of the world right now and nothing can stop me."

That was weird to hear coming from my brother. Jai is cynical even on a good day. I raised my eyebrow at him but he was already running away. There's so much going on that I don't know about. That's for sure. I don't know what it is, but I know now that I'm going to find out!