In Too Deep

Chapter 8

"LUKE ANTHONY MARK BROOKS, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" Jai's voice rang throughout the house. I gulped at the noise. I hadn't wanted to, but I had searched Jai's room and taken all of the sharp objects I could possibly find. The amount that I had found completely terrified me. He had some form of a sharp object in every hiding place I could possibly imagine.

Jai finally ran into my room panting heavily. He looked extremely angry, and honestly I had never seen him this angry before. It was worse than when I completely snapped at people and that could be bad at times.

"Where are they?!" Jai questioned angrily. I decided to play dumb even though we both knew that I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Where is what?" I asked. Jai eyes seemed to blaze with anger and the fire only grew with that statement.

"Stop Luke! You know exactly what I'm talking about. Where are the things you stole from my room?"

"Oh the blades?" I stated non-chalantly, "Yeah, those are gone. I made sure to get rid of them."

"You what?" Jai seemed to deflate slightly.

"I'm serious when I say I'm not going to let you hurt yourself anymore." I said with finality.

"It's not your decision to make!" Jai snapped before he started to pace around the room. I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous he was being. There was no reason for him to be getting this worked up over a few flimsy blades.

Jai eventually started to tug on his hair and hyperventilate. I sat up straighter at this. My eyes widened as I realized my twin was having a panic attack in the middle of my room. I silently walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. Jai fought against me at first, but eventually he stopped fighting and melted into the hug.

"I need to cut, Luke." Jai whispered brokenly to me. "I need it so badly right now."

"I know, Jai, but you'll get through this. Just try to fight it." I smiled at him.

"You don't understand, Luke. I can't survive without cutting. I'm afraid of what I might do permanently." Jai admitted, making my body freeze and send shivers down my spine. Jai had better not be insinuating what I thought he was.

"You don't mean..." I trailed off not being able to say the words.

"That I'm slightly suicidal?" Jai laughed through his tears, "Guess I forgot to mention that."

"You can't leave me, Jai." I left no room for arguments. Jai was my twin brother. My other half. The only person that really understands me.

"I know, but maybe I have to." Jai smiled sadly before leaving my room.

I was left alone with my thoughts after that. I couldn't help Jai if he didn't actually want my help, and that thought alone absolutely terrified me. I had never known before that Jai was slightly suicidal, whatever that meant. He had always seemed so happy on the outside. Was it even possible for him to slowly be breaking on the inside without anyone  noticing?

I hated the fact that I had no idea what to do. Jai didn't want my help, so I couldn't help him. I wanted so badly to, but I couldn't. I almost thought that it was a mistake to take away his blades, but I knew that it had to be done. He was stress-cutting because he felt like he had no other option. I knew one thing based on that. I couldn't help Jai on my own. I needed to get others involved. I needed to get Beau and my Mum involved.

Beau already knew, so I decided to talk to my Mum. I knew for a fact that Beau had chickened out and hadn't told her about Jai, so that was exactly what I was going to do. Jai couldn't keep doing this, and I knew that he was the biggest Mumma's boy out of all three of us. He was the baby, even if it was just by two minutes, so I knew that there was a chance my Mum could help.

"Hey Mum?" I called knocking on her door. It took a few minutes, but she finally opened her door.

"Can this wait, Jai? It's three in the morning." She yawned.

"Actually it's Luke, not Jai." I corrected her. Sometimes I honestly thought that people only guessed whether or not it was me or Jai they were talking to. My Mum blinked her eyes and stared at my face for a moment.

"Of course you're Luke." She sighed. "My little Jai never talks to me anymore. He hates his mother, but my Lukey would never hate me."

"Jai doesn't hate you Mum." I sighed, "That's actually what I need to talk to you about. There's something seriously wrong with Jai and I don't know how to help him."

"What's wrong with Jai?" My Mum asked worriedly after dragging me into her room and making me sit on her bed next to her.

"This isn't easy for me to say, and when he finds out I told you, Jai is going to hate me." I started.

"Jai could never hate you Luke. You're my twin boys and if Jai trusted you with a secret this big, then nothing you could ever do could ruin that trust." My Mum smiled reassuringly at me, rubbing my back.

"Okay." I took a deep breathe. "Jai self-harms and I can't make him stop no matter how hard I try."