Change is good, unless it isn't

Chapter 3

Walking into the department for the first time since her vacation, Normani notices Dinah sitting alone at the café. Normani might've gotten turned down, but it didn't mean she couldn't at least be the woman's friend.

She walks up to the empty chair at Dinah's table. "This seat taken?"

Dinah looks up, surprised to see Normani again.

Seeing the hesitation, Normani smiles and throws her hands up in mock defense."Don't worry, I'm here as a friend."

Dinah offers a tentative smile. "Be my guest."

Silence engulfs them after she sits, allowing her a few moments to observe the woman in front of her. She's beautiful, there is no doubt about it, but something isn't quite right. Normani can sense the grief and despondence that flashes behind the façade of a smile. The tired lines around the corners of what she's sure were once brilliant hazel eyes. Her hands shake as she picks up the plastic menu, and she discreetly tries to yawn.

Normani doesn't quite know what's going on, but she hopes to get close enough to her to find out some day.

Before the silence can become too awkward, a waiter comes up to take their order.

"I'll just take a plain coffee." She flashes Dinah a smile. "Can't be late to work on my first day back."

Dinah politely smiles back, although she knows it probably isn't fooling anyone, much less a detective.

The man points his pen towards Dinah. "And what have you?"

"A glass of water and the light breakfast plate, please," she replies.

"How would you like the eggs?""

~~~~~~

Yawning, Tanner lightly pads on his bare feet into the kitchen. His hair is a mess and his pajamas are slightly crooked, but she can't help but smile at her adorable little boy. It never ceases to amaze her how lucky she is to have him in her life. "Good morning, mon trésor. Would you like some eggs?"

With narrowed eyes, he tilts his head. "Are they real eggs or chicken-butt eggs?"

She tries, and fails, to not look confused. "Chicken-butt eggs? Tanner, I don't know where you heard that, but there is no such thing."

He puts his tiny hands on his hips and pouts. "Yes there is, Mama. Mr. Johns brings them by every Friday."

Involuntarily, her lips turn up at the edges. "Did Mr. Johns try to tell you where eggs come from?"

"Uh-huh."

Trying not to laugh, she grabs the carton from the counter and holds it out to him. "Well, these are real eggs. Would you like me to make you some?"

He looks down and pokes at his stomach before looking back up with a huge smile on his face. "My tummy says yes!"

Gone were the days of being literal; having a child had certainly changed that. So she pokes her own stomach. "My tummy says yes, too."

He runs over and latches his arms around her thigh—which was as high as they can reach. "Scrambled with cheese, Mama."

She reaches down and ruffles his curly brown hair that sticks out in every direction from sleep. "Like always."

~~~~~~~

"Scrambled with cheese, please," she replies, handing the menu back to him

There is a slightly awkward pause after he walks off, and Normani tries to find the right words to say. Dinah beats her to it.

"Normani, about the other day...It's just much too soon since," she looks away from Normani's face briefly before looking back, "since I've moved here. I'm still trying to settle in."

"Hey, it's fine. I'd still like to be your friend until you feel settled, if that's okay? You look like you could use one."

Dinah doesn't know whether to feel happy about that or not. How can she feel happy about making a friend when Tanner no longer has the option of being happy ever again? How can she possibly feel happy when there isn't an ounce of happiness left in her? But she knows if she doesn't say yes, Normani will keep trying. And having Normani as a friend will definitely be easier to handle than trying to distance herself from everyone in the long run. Not many people had ever truly wanted to be her friend before, either, not even after their children had become friends with her son. Maybe this would be a rare change for the better.

Nodding her head, she smiles. "That sounds lovely, Normani."

"Alright, then," she says with a smile that shows her bright teeth. "We were actually wondering if you'd like to go to the Robber tonight for drinks?"

~~~~~

The burn of alcohol sears her throat and cracks of her lips as she finishes off the bottle. She drinks to forget, but she never can. The bottle smashes against the bare floor of her new home in Boston as she slides down the front of the island in the kitchen.

Dinah had been lonely her whole life until Tanner, but she's never felt an emptiness such as this. She knew what it felt like to be fulfilled, to be needed. And now she is utterly and completely alone with nothing but a gaping whole in her heart to accompany her.

She doesn't know if she can handle it.

Her cries echo throughout the empty house as she clutches her hand over her chest. People had talked about heartache and her literal mind had never understood it. Until now, that is. Her fingers claw at her chest, as if trying to get inside and dull the pain. She cries until she heaves and her fingernails make marks against her tan skin.

She stands up, clumsily, and makes her way to bed with tears still fresh on her face.

She never forgets. She never can.

~~~~~~

Dinah is nowhere near capable of holding herself together around a group of strangers. Maybe someday, but not today. "I appreciate the offer, but perhaps another time would be better."

Normani nods. "Right. Yeah, of course. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?"

But what Dinah needs is something that can never be returned. Perhaps the ache will dull one day, but not today. And most definitely not with the help of a near stranger.