Change is good, unless it isn't

Chapter 14

The next morning, Dinah manages to leave without waking Normani. She promised Jace she would come see him and she never breaks her promises—even though she knows she might be getting in over her head. She can already feel herself getting attached.

Not because he's like Tanner, because he isn't. She's getting attached because he's so much like she was as a child. Quiet, inquisitive...alone.

She knows what it's like to be in his shoes—to wish someone, anyone would take notice of you for just a moment. She would've given anything for that, but her parents never paid her an ounce of attention. She grew up with the pain and emotional scarring of benign neglect, she knows what it feels like.

She doesn't want Jace to go through that. If she can save him from feeling ignored and unloved for a few months or even only a few weeks, she's going to do that for him. She'll take the brunt of the pain after he's gone if it means she can spare him from it for just a little while. She's not going to be the one that lets him down. She'll be left worse for wear after he leaves the hospital and she never sees him again, but she isn't going to let him down.

Stepping into the playroom, she sees him sitting at a table with other children that are finger painting. She almost laughs as she notices that he's the only one using a paintbrush. Even more like herself than she thought.

She walks over and sits next to him at the table and warily looks at her. She smiles and reaches out to touch his hair but he instantly dodges her hand and looks back down at the paper without so much as a grin.

It feels like she's breaking inside all over again. She manages to take a deep breath to calm herself. This behavior is completely normal for someone who's been neglected. He's pushing her away du his own fear of getting attached and she doesn't blame him. Not at all.

Because she knows loss and what it's like to get attached and then suddenly have someone ripped away from you. It's horrific and painful and scary. It makes you never want to become attached to anyone again.

But then there always comes that moment when it hits you. It hits you and you realize that not everyone is going to leave you. Life isn't so scary anymore; it isn't so dark anymore.

It's hit her twice. The first time was with Normani. She knows Normani could get injured on the job and taken from her, but she'll never willing leave. She's made that much clear. The second time it hit her was the very moment Jace crawled into her lap and looked up at her with a small smile playing on his lips.

One day, he'll will realize that not everyone is going leave him either. She just hopes she can help him get there.

She sets her purse down on the floor and grabs a sheet of paper. He watches out of the corner of his eye as she pulls out a paintbrush and starts painting with a pale yellow. He watches as she paints lines and circles and changes the colors. It doesn't take long until she's done and holds it up towards him.

He slowly looks over at it and he barely starts to grin. She smiles and points at it. "Have you ever been to the park?"

He frowns and shakes his head. She'll have to remember that. She puts the paper back down and draws a little stick boy and then holds it back up with a smile. "Now you have."

He reaches out to take it but looks up at her first to see if it's okay. She nods and he pulls it into his grasp. His fingers lightly dance over the little stick figure and he fully smiles as he looks back up to her. "That's me?"

"Yes, that's you," she says with a smile that matches his own.

He looks back at it for a moment before frowning and sitting it on the table. He pulls out a paintbrush and crudely draws a stick person next to him that's holding his hand. He holds it back up and laughs. "And there is you!"