Change is good, unless it isn't

Chapter 4

Down in Dinah's office waiting on toxicology results, Normani gets a call that one of their own had lost a child to a long battle of chronic kidney disease. Dinah pretends to be reading the results to distract herself as Normani slips her phone back in its holder.

"That's a shame, ya know. I was really pulling for them," Normani says, shaking her head.

"Yes. It is definitely unfortunate," Dinah replies, her voice distant.

"At least they knew it was coming and they had time to say goodbye, I guess."

Dinah's head snaps up quickly. "Don't say that," she whispers icily. Her breathing quickens. She knows she should take a moment to calm down, but is unable to do so. "Don't you dare say that. It doesn't matter if you have days, weeks, or months. No time is ever enough to say goodbye to your child," she refutes, her voice getting louder the longer she speaks.

Affixed with wide eyes, Normani is unable to move.

"You're down on your knees, begging a God you don't even believe in for five more minutes, for five more seconds, and he's laughing in your face saying you've already had enough time," she croaks, her voice beginning to waver. She looks away from Normani, quickly and ashamed. "But no time is ever enough. So don't say time makes it better, because it doesn't. A parent is never ready to let go."

Abruptly, Dinah stands and walks out, willing the tears not to fall just yet.

Normani, still glued to her seat, tries to understand what the hell just happened. She hasn't known Dinah long, but she didn't peg her for one to have random outbursts.

Normani finally walks to the door, looking to the left and then the right as she debates on whether to let Dinah be or go after her.

But in the end, her soft side wins out.

After knocking and not hearing any sign that she should go away, she slowly opens the bathroom door. And what she finds is enough to make her own touch chest clench.

Dinah is leaning against the counter, crying none too quietly through heavy gasps, with wads of tissue clenched in either hand.

Usually horrible at comforting people in these situations, Normani does the only thing she knows how. She pulls Dinah to her chest and soothing rubs her hand across the other woman's back.

Dinah knows she should feel embarrassed, that she should apologize for acting rash, but she can't force herself to stop crying. She hasn't held or been held by anyone in six years besides Tanner and it just feels so utterly good.

Normani holds Dinah tighter, offering the only comfort she can.

"Just let it out. I've got you. I've got you," she whispers.

Dinah, with fistfuls of Normani's shirt in her hands, slowly starts to quiet down as she presses her ear to Normani's chest and hears the steady beat of her heart.

~~~~~

Sitting at a park bench reading a medical journal about new stitching techniques, Dinah looks when she hears Tanner running towards her. The wind is blowing his curly hair back and she sadly realizes it will start to fall out soon. She really doesn't know how he will handle something that will clearly make him look so different at such a young age.

"Mama! Mama," he yells in distress as he runs, causing her to put the book completely down.

It isn't until he's almost right in front of her that she notices his red eyes and the tears rolling down his cheeks. She pulls on her lap hoping he isn't injured.

Immediately, she starts looking over his body for any wounds. "What's wrong, mon trésor? Are you hurt?"

Sobbing into her shoulder, he wraps his arms tighter around her. "They wouldn't... let me play with them...because...because I'm sick."

Her face falls as his words sink in. She experienced the cruelty of children firsthand and never wanted that for her son. He deserves so much more than to be ostracized for something so clearly out of his control. She pulls him closer to her chest and runs a hand through the back of his hair. "Did they say why having cancer meant you couldn't play with them?"

He nods against her. "They said I was gross," he finally whispers pitifully.

Cancer, children, hurtful words...what else is she going to be unable to protect him from?

"Tanner, having cancer does not make you gross," she replies, her voice starting to break. "I promise you, it does not make you gross. I promise."

She slowly starts to rock him against her as a tear rolls down her face, letting the beating of her heart lull him to sleep.

~~~~~~~

Once she can cry no more, she steps away from Normani, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," she mutters, wiping her eyes. "I usually don't let my emotions get the best of me in the company of others."

Normani gives a comforting smile. "Don't apologize. This is what friends are for."

Dinah lets out a sad laugh. "I don't know much about the rules of friendship, but I think crying in a bathroom at work in someone's arms doesn't fall within the parameters."

Normani feels a pang in her heart as she realizes Dinah is being completely serious about not knowing much about friendship. She doesn't care how many times Dinah tries to push her away, she decides right here and now that she is going to make sure she is always there for this woman.

She squeezes Dinah's shoulder. "Well it is, alright? And if you ever feel like doing it again, I'll be here. Okay?"

Dinah scrutinizes Normani's face for any sign of mockery, but finds none. She smiles a real smile that lights up her eyes-one of the first since the move. "Thank you, Normani."

"Like I said, anytime. I've got your back."

And she means it. She's going to try and pull Dinah from whatever darkness that shrouds her by doing whatever it takes. No matter what.

...