Change is good, unless it isn't

Chapter 19

The minutes tick by slowly. One after another after another, and she still can't will herself to move away from where she was standing when Normani had walked out the door.

She's always been bad with relationships due to lack of experience in them, she knows that, but even she knows she could've handled the situation insurmountably better. But what she doesn't know is if she should go out and find Normani, call Normani and tell her everything and not just a horribly shocking abridged version, or let Normani have the space to think like she had asked for.

These moments—the one where she's left alone and confused, are the ones where she loathes her inability to read people. The majority of the time she's able to slide by with only a tad bit of awkwardness or misunderstanding, a few weird glances directed towards her.

But when it's with those closest to her?

That's when she wishes she were just a little bit more normal, just a little bit more relatable. It would be so much easier for her to get out what she truly means.

And maybe Normani wouldn't have walked out that door.

She rubs the tear tracks from her face and shakily walks to the sink to wash Normani's coffee mug. It gives her something else to focus on than the other thoughts that would otherwise be overwhelming her, consuming her completely.

Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she dries it and sets it in the same place Normani's mug always resides before looking around the room—wondering what she should possibly do next. Her phone is on the counter, her keys are on the table. It would be so easy for her to call Normani or go find Normani, but she doesn't want to push Normani into anything, doesn't want to be too needy or ask any more of Normani since she's already asked for so much.

Making up her mind to wait, she grabs her phone to keep it close and walks to the living room to watch one of the movies Normani had off-handedly mentioned would be on today. It's something she never would have picked for herself and can't even remember what the exact name is, but it's just mindless and pointless enough to take her mind off everything else and she finds herself, somehow, quietly laughing to herself halfway through it.

Towards the end, right as the minor conflict was to be resolved, there's a knock on her door. It starts quietly at first and then quickly gets loud, more insistent. She doesn't even have to check to know who it is.

Her heart speeds up as she pulls the blanket off her legs and starts to walk towards the door. She doesn't know what to expect, but she hopes that maybe, just maybe it won't go as badly as before. But if it does...this is her fault and she knows that. And she'll try her best to fix it.

She opens her door to Normani—snow stuck in her hair, hands curled into cold and painful fists, eyes nearly as puffy as Dinah knows her own are. "Normani, I—"

"There isn't one person in this world that I want more than I want you, Dinah," Normani interrupts, stepping forward and tangling her hand in Dinah's hair to pull her close. Their lips brush and then Normani's kiss is consuming her as Normani pushes her back through the door and into the house. It's possessive and uninhibited and yet, still conveys gentleness and love all at once.

It's perfect.

It's everything.

Normani finally pulls back, their foreheads pressed together and her dark eyes scanning Dinah's own. "But I don't understand, Dinah. You have to help me understand."

"Okay," she whispers, slightly nodding as she releases a shaky breath. "Okay."

Leading them to the couch, she sits and regretfully notes how Normani sits on the opposite end—not close enough to touch, posture slouched but rigid. Normani pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs before looking up, softness written on her face. "So...is this about our trip? Did it—"