White Walls [[On Hold]]

Chapter One

"You can't just tell someone to 'be happy'. That's like telling someone who's drowning to breathe."

•••

//t.w. self-harm

If blood is red, why are our veins blue?

That was the question in my head as I felt the dark red blood running down my arms. I places the scissors down beside me and crawled into bed. The white sheets and blankets would be covered with the red blood in the morning, and I knew that very well. But no one would check on me now, unless my father comes upstairs to check on me. But it'll be too dark to see the blood. I told myself that I would bleach the sheets and blankets in the morning.

I wiped the tears that were streaming down my cheeks and took a deep breath. Three years. Three fucking years I wasted on that stupid boy. He knew about my problems, he said he cared, he didn't. Now here I am, sinking into my bed with my blood covering my arms and surrounding me into itself. I closed my eyes and sighed. The pain from the cuts was beginning. Fuck. Did I even check to see if the scissors were cleaned. I rolled over, ignoring the pain that ran throughout my body, I looked at the clock. Four in the morning. I had to get up at six. There was no reason for me to go to bed now. I went to the bathroom which was right next to my bedroom. I was quick enough for anyone who was awake not to see me.

As I entered the bathroom and then shut the door without making a noise, I turned on the light. The light shocked me, making me blind for a second, but the moment my vision came back to me, my eyes went wide. My dark hair was tangled. My blue eyes had bags underneath them and I looked so tired and sick.

I couldn't deny that I really was.

Blood was staining the blue tank-top I was wearing and my thighs were covered with my own blood. I began to feel lightheaded.

That's when I decided to look down at my arms for the first time in the light. What I thought had been just simple slashes across my arms, were actually large, deep gashes. I made a noise of shock and stumbled back. The cuts were too deep this time. I went too deep. I was losing blood. I was going to die. I cut right where my veins were. I fell to the ground, sobbing. Everything was turning dark. But why was I sad? Why was I crying? This is what I wanted, right? To die?

To be gone forever?

My sobs could be heard from the rooms around me, which was the office and my sister's room. I could hear the stumble of footsteps rushing towards the bathroom.

The blood kept running down my arms and onto the white tile floors. I tried standing up, but the moment I got to my feet, holding onto the white walls of the bathroom, I fell again, crying out in pain. Mentally and physically, I was gone.

"Evelyn?" I heard my sister shout through the door. She was banging on it, hoping I would open up. I didn't have the strength to. I was going to die with my sister screaming my name. She was the only one who knew about my problem. My addiction to every drug and drink, and my biggest addiction...self-harm. I had promised her I wouldn't do it again.

I had promised.

My sister banged on the door again. She wouldn't stop. "Evelyn, please! Open up! I know what you did!"

My head was foggy.

"Help," I whispered. "Help me, Eliza, please."

I would never know if she heard me or not, because blackness surrounded me. All I knew was that I was going to die like this: on the bathroom floor in the house I grew up in, with blood all over the floor and I, with breaking a promise and without saying goodbye. The last thing I saw, however, was the blood on the white walls from where I tried to stand and fell. The color red plastered the wall like paint on a fresh canvas. It would be my last painting, my last piece of artwork that I ever did.

And without another word, I let my body slide to the ground and hit the floor, letting darkness consume me.

Welcome to the blackhole, a deep voice said. You aren't leaving any time soon.

Blood is never blue. It is always red.

•••

I placed the cup between my lips and tilted it upwards for the sweet liquid come into my mouth. The burning substance went to my mouth and it hurt my tongue. But I didn't complain. This was the way hot tea was supposed to be.

Before I could even set my white and blue cup down on the table beside me, I heard the scream of someone putting hot tea in their mouth and now realizing how hot it was. "Nope, nope, nope!" Malory, my best friend, screeched in pain. I couldn't help but laugh at her face of horror. Her cheeks were bright red and her nose was scrunched up as well as her eyebrows, making it seem like she was mad. "How can you fucking drink this amazing tasting shit?" She stuck her tongue out, trying to cool it off.

"I know, it's good right!" Eliza said, taking a sip of hers. She was also not phased by the liquid's heat. "Also, no cursing." Eliza held up a finger and shook it back and forth in shame towards Malory. She placed her purple cup on the table next to mine and sat down in the leather chair across from Malory and I. "To be fair," Eliza stated, "I should have told you it was hot." Like how I was sitting, Eliza crossed her legs and sat up straight. "But I assumed that the name 'hot tea' would probably be obvious."

Malory glared at Eliza with her green eyes, her tongue still hanging out of her mouth. Malory's newly dyed, red hair hung down her shoulders. Strands of her hair were tucked behind her ears showing the crystal earrings she was wearing. With the dark green shirt she was wearing, the two items good together.

On the other side of me in another leather chair, another one of my best friends, Carly, choked on her own tea in shock of what Eliza said. Carly's dark hair was draped across her shoulders, the bubblegum pink ends seeming neon against the black crop top she was wearing. I was very proud of Carly for wearing a crop top, because lately she's been getting more confidence in herself and she felt more comfortable wearing what she wanted to wear.

Carly coughed for a couple of seconds from choking on her tea. After her cough fit, she turned to Malory, laughing. "Welcome home, Mal. You have to learn about Evelyn's obsession with tea." Eliza giggled and I gave a small smile.

They don't love you.

Malory placed her tongue back her mouth. "I've known about her obsession! Who do you think I am, a fake friend? Believe it or not, I've known her longer!" Malory stuck her tongue out at Carly.

"I know that!" Carly replied, sticking out her tongue back at Malory.

"I'd put those tongue back in your mouths. I know you guys want to 'do it' so badly, but you can fight with those muscles another time." An unknown voice spoke.

I swung my head around to see my best-guy-friend, James. His curly blond hair, which looked like ramen noodles we all decided, was freshly cut and his crystal blue eyes were gleaming with excitement. He was wearing a purple shirt and jeans, like he would usually wear because purple was his favorite color. He was smiling so big that I wondered what could possibly be on his mind.

But next to him was someone completely new. The one who had spoken.

Before I could comprehend the new person standing next to James, Malory was the first to speak. "Who are you?" She sounded defensive, but she had every right to be. Our group hangouts were private. Why did James bring someone new? We weren't looking for new people. We never look for new people.

James opened his mouth to introduce him but the boy spoke instead and reached out a hand towards Malory for her to shake it. She took it, obviously confused. "Alexander Eden." He said, shaking Malory's hand. "But you can call me Alex."