White Walls [[On Hold]]

Chapter Three

"You will fail, but you will fail in the most wonderful way."
- Markiplier

•••

Three days, six hours, and forty-seven minutes. That's how long it had been since we had all met Alex.

I was sitting on my bed. The windows were open and the sound of birds from the tree nearby was never easily ignored. Cold wind came through, making my skin feel icy. But I didn't mind it. I liked the cold. I liked the way it felt on my skin. It made me feel alive.

Eliza threw herself on my bed, making the frame creek. My two blue blankets fell on the floor, and Eliza groaned. Without getting off the bed, she used her feet to pull the blankets back onto the bed, and by using her body strength, she flung the blankets up and flung them on top of me. Both of the blankets surrounded me in darkness, making me sigh. Eliza couldn't stop laughing.

Without moving, one of the blankets fell completely off me while the other one slowly fell onto my shoulders. I couldn't help but give a small smile.

We both sat on my bed for a couple more minutes before Eliza reminded me about having a doctor's appointment today.

Also known as having an appointment with my therapist, Jessica.

I quickly got ready. I took a shower with the door open, I cleaned myself up, put on some light makeup with the help of Eliza, and put on my "therapy clothes". Specifically, loose jeans and a large t-shirt. I wore no jewelry and had purple converses on. These shoes were new. I had gotten them yesterday because my mother thought I deserved them for getting through the week without crying.

What a stupid reason for getting new shoes.

The car ride there was quiet. Ever since my last suicide attempt, the government decided to take away my license in suspicion of me most likely wanting to drive myself off a cliff. So ever since then, Eliza has been driving me to the places I need to go. Eliza goes everywhere with me nowadays, and even though I'm her older sister, she's still in charge. Mom's rules. You can't change them no matter how hard you try; and Eliza was a safe driver. She never went over or below the speed limit, it was very rare for her to be playing music in the background, and she kept both hands on the wheel and eyes on the road. Eliza was the perfect daughter. 

Let me go into more detail as to why she was the most perfect person. 

Eliza has straight A's, she's been accepted into one of the biggest colleges in the country since sophomore year. She had perfect, curly, long, brown hair and these dazzling emerald eyes that everyone fell for. She had the kind of body that you only see in magazines. It was almost like she was photo-shopped into a perfect person. She was the head cheerleader in her highschool and had been homecoming queen three times in a row. The only time she wasn't was freshmen year for her. But to be fair, she wasn't there a lot in eighth grade, due to the fact that I had tried to kill myself three times just that one year, so not many people knew her freshmen year. But slowly over time, she got much more popular than I ever was. It was also due to the fact that everyone knew about her suicidal, drug addicted, alcoholic sister, Evelyn Ann Parker. Also known as me. 

Want to know why my parents think she's the most perfect person? Because Eliza doesn't have mental illnesses or a dented skull, or scars all over her body. Eliza hasn't tried to kill herself fifteenth times.

Eliza wasn't broken like me. 

I didn't live far from Jessica's office, so it was only a ten minute car ride. When we arrived, Eliza parked and then went to go check me in while I waited in the waiting room. The room was dark and smelled on expired coffee and dead flowers. I sat on the big, plushy couch and sank into it, closing my eyes. What was I going to talk about today? Was there anything I could say to her? Should I tell her about the voices still going on in my head? How my recent medicine change doesn't seem to be working? 

Should I tell her about Alex? 

"Evelyn?" A raspy voice said. I looked up to see Jessica with a large grin on her face. She was wearing a pink dress shirt with white flowers and a white skirt. She had a cute sandals on her feet. She short brown hair was curled, and her round face was pink, which either meant that she was yelling at either one of her coworkers or one of her other patients, trying to get her point across. But her brown eyes were sparkling. I knew she loved her job and helping other people, considering she has pretty much gone through the same thing as some of her patients. All Jessica did was help. "Ready?" 

I nodded my head and followed her into her room. 

Her "office" had dark green walls and white hard wood floors. There were couches on either side of the room, and the one that I sat on had a window behind it and one next to it. It was nice to look out of them when she was talking to me. Jessica used to think it as because I didn't want to listen to her, but eventually she learned that I did listen. I just like to pretend I'm somewhere completely different with her. Like always, there were coffee cups laid across every surface she had near her red, velvet chair. On her bookshelf, which had no books, there were all her tiny plants that she took care off. She got a new plant every time she got a new patient. If a patient stopped coming, she would give it to her favorite patient that she had at the time. 

I have twelve plants now. 

On her self, mine was a white tulip. It happened to very well watered, for some reason, and was in a cute, purple vase. Jessica brings many vases when she knows she's getting a new patient. She has a list of flowers she can get and asks her new patient which flower they want when they first arrive. The first time she asked me this, I raised a eyebrow at her, and through my attitude, pointed to the white tulip and the purple vase, remembering it was James' favorite color. I look at now and still wonder how it's still healthy while I am not. 

Jessica sat down in her seat and then looked at me, noticing how I was looking at the shelf. "I haven't watered them today." She simply stated. "Do you mind if you do?" 

I smiled and shook my head. "Of course I don't mind. I mean they're all doing so well. I don't want your laziness to get the best of you and then they die." 

She snorted at my statement and opened my file. I grabbed the small water can behind her chair. It had water in it which was fine with me. I didn't feel like walking anywhere to fill it up. 

As I began to water the plants, Jessica began asking me her everyday normal questions that she is required to do. "How's the new medicine working?"

It isn't helping. Nothing ever helps you. 

"Fine." One out of twenty planets done. The ones I needed to water were at the bottom while the ones she needed to give away were at the top. I noticed there were three of them. I wonder if I'll be taking planets home today. 

"When was the last time you had a panic attack?" 

Last night. But you're not going to tell her that, are you bitch? 

"Two weeks ago."

"So the one you told me about last time before the new medicine?" 

"Yes." Ten out of twenty plants down. 

"Wait. Does the new medicine help with anxiety?" She flipped through the pages and gave a chuckle. "Yes, it does!" 

Fifteenth out of twenty. 

"Okay last one!" Jessica said. There was so much cheer in her voice. I knew she hated this questions as much as I did. "Have the voices in your head stopped?" 

Twenty out of twenty. 

I put down the can back where I found it and sat down on my couch. I brushed the hair out of my eyes and looked up at Jessica with the biggest, fake smile I could. 

"Yes." 

No. And I plan on never leaving.