White Walls [[On Hold]]

Chapter Eleven

"Even your worst days last twenty-four hours."

•••

The hospital was cold and dreary.

None of the patients ever smiled, but I wasn't surprised by this, considering that they were in intense care.

I was in intense care.

Intense care only contain the color white. White, tile floors. White couches. White tables. White counter tops. White walls. Even the bedroom I was assigned was just white. The only colorful thing in there, were the pictures from the coloring book and crayons they had given us. But I had only colored one page so far. My hands twitched just thinking about coloring another page. I needed to color. It got my mind off where I was. It helped my mind relax and calm me down from whatever voice was taunting me.

I must have been the only one smiling; but that was only when I colored.

There were six other girls, but I didn't bother to learn their names. The only one I really talked to was my roommate, Sarah. She had these big green eyes with dark circles underneath that. Her teeth were crooked and yellow but when she gave a small grin at something I said, I couldn't help but admire it. Sarah had thin, curly, black hair that was always a mess. She never brushed it unless her personal nurse, Rebecca, did it for her. But Sarah always complained about how it hurt and Rebecca would always reply with, "Well if you actually brushed your hair yourself, we wouldn't be doing this, now would we?" Sarah's response was always a grumble.

Sarah had many reasons for being in intense care, but her biggest one was that she tried to kill her stepfather. She told me that it was because he abused her, and even though the police and other staff here didn't believe her, I did. There were huge marks slashed across her body and bruises that we big enough to be caused by a large man.

Time and time again, Sarah would ask for help, but the employees here always assumed they were from self-harm; and every time Sarah begged people for help, they would bring up their theory, which would make Sarah cry the moment they would leave.

The first time I saw this happen and heard all of it, I couldn't move when Sarah started crying. She may have been broken, but even though she was sobbing, she still looked beautiful.

"This is what they do," she said to me the third day I was there as her roommate, waving her hands around in disbelief, "They tell you they'll believe whatever you say and that they'll help you, but when you tell them, all they can do is sweep it under the rug." I didn't say anything. I looked at my fingernails which had dirt underneath them. I began to bite them to clean them and after a moment of silence, Sarah asked me, "Do you believe me, Bumblebee?"

I looked up her and gave a small smile. Sarah called me 'Bumblebee' even though she knew my real name, due to the fact that when I was at first admitted into intense care, I was wearing a yellow and black sweater and I had a sarcastic attitude towards my mom that "sounded like you were stinging her" according to Sarah. "Of course I believe you. I can tell you were abused." I said and looked right into her eyes.

Sarah starred back unsure at first if I was telling the truth, but when she turned her head away and brushed her fingers through her unclean hair, she whispered, "No one has ever believed me."

"Can I hug you?" I immediately asked, crossing my fingers, hoping I could. Sarah nodded her head, giving me permission and I immediately got off my bed and onto hers and held her in my arms.

Now every time Sarah starts crying, I just go to her and hold her. Rebecca noticed once and told us we weren't allowed to do that, but when she saw how much me hugging Sarah helped her calm down, she didn't report it to the main officers.

My personal nurse's name was Jasmine. She was from India; you could tell my the dark skin and black hair and the slight accent she still had. She usually wore the color purple and her hair was always braided in a fishtail braid. She was very beautiful and never wore makeup. All the other nurses did, but Jasmine did it; and I'm glad she did it. I was also thankful that we, the patients, we're allowed to put on makeup as well. None of us needed it. Not even myself.

That was the first positive I had thought since I had gotten here. 

Jasmine walked into the room and handed me colored-pencils and a coloring book, a smile on her face. "I had to sneak this in for you," she said, pointing to the pencils. "They're afraid that someone will stab themselves with them." Jasmine looked at my arms and her smile dropped into a small frown, but only for a second when she turned back to look at my face. "I trust you though." She turned to walk away out of the room before turning back to me and whispered, "You've healed so much, but I know why you're still in here, Evelyn." Her brown eyes glanced over to the sleeping Sarah. "You're still here because you want to help her." Jasmine was silent when she looked back at me, expecting me to answer, but when I didn't, she softly exclaimed, "You can't save her. Be happy that you've healed as much as you have here, and get out. If you keep staying, then you'll see you can't save her. Be happy that you've been saved as much as you have been."

Before she could walk out the door, I couldn't help but mutter out, "I can try while I still can." 

Jasmine stopped in her tracks and stood there for a moment, but once that moment was over, she sighed, and began walking again. 

I opened the coloring book, but before I could see what kind I was given, a young man burst through the door and almost shouted, "Evelyn, you have a visitor." I looked up and nodded my head at him, letting the man know I had heard him, and then he was off again, his feet echoing off the white tile floor. 

I stuffed the coloring book and pencils underneath my pillow and got off my bed, stretching. I brushed my hair back with my fingers, still aware it was a extreme bird nest. 

Before I even reached the entrance of the door, I heard Sarah mumble under her breath, "Jasmine is right, Bumblebee. You can't save me. Keep saving yourself." I turned around to look at her and opened my mouth to speak, but only saw her skinny body breathing in and out deep breaths, almost like she had never said a word to me. 

Just like Jasmine had done, I sighed, and then walked out of my room towards the visitor's room with a large smile on my face.