White Walls [[On Hold]]

Chapter Ten

"Expect nothing. Appreciate everything."

•••

//t.w: sex (smut) & self-harm

"I fucking love you" He whispered in my ear.

His hands ran up my skin underneath my shirt and he groaned. He finally lifted my shirt up after a moment and grabbed my breasts, pulling them out of their bra. His breath smelled of alcohol and smoke, but still somehow, he was addicting.

I tried to push away from him and laughed through the deep kisses he was giving me. "Tyler, we shouldn't do this." But he kept kissing me. I couldn't help but lift his shit up, exposing his dark skin marked with scars.

Tyler pulled away and began giving trails of kisses down my body. "Then why do you keep going at me?"

"Because you're turning me on, you dick." I said, with a moan as he kissed my neck with light kisses.

He didn't say anything else. Instead, he took my shorts off with one simple pull and ripped my underwear off. Then he unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down as well, revealing his member. He groaned and flipped my body so my mouth was near it. Tyler then forced his member into my mouth, making me choke. I couldn't breath, but I let him continue. Every time he let me breath, spit poured out of my mouth and Tyler couldn't help but smirk. I knew he was enjoying it, but why wasn't I?

Tyler then pushed me back on the bed making me give a small scream. Hearing my shock, Tyler screamed at me, "I don't want to hear any noise out of you unless it's my name."

I didn't even fight him when he spread my legs open and put his member inside me. The feeling made my heart race even more and I felt sick. It felt good but I felt nauseous, but as I screamed at him to stop, he didn't. He fucked me harder. My screams echoed around the room and Tyler got so annoyed by my screams of him to stop, he covered my mouth with his hand as he continued.

I knew Tyler. He wouldn't stop until he was satisfied. He didn't care about what I was feeling.

"I'll make it up to you, trust me." Tyler said through a moan, the moment he finished inside me. He pushed me to the side and began to clean himself up. I stayed quiet, watching him. I knew Tyler wasn't going to make it up to me. He never did.

Yet the waves of love for him radiated through me and I couldn't help but think about our future and that soon we would be able to see each other every night and he wouldn't have to leave me ever again because of my parents hating our relationship.

After a moment of silence, he cursed. "I didn't use protection." Hearing that, my heart froze and my eyes went wide. He finished inside me. Tyler turned towards me, his brown iris full of anger. There was no passion or love in them anymore. Just anger.

And that's when he hit me. Hard. Right across the face. I gave out a small whimper and turned back to him. All I could think was that I loved him.

"If we find out you're pregnant," He began, hitting me again, "You get rid of that baby, because I swear to God, I won't stay with you." I nodded my head, knowing fully well he would leave me.

"Okay," I said. I looked into his eyes, finally feeling the sting of the slaps.

Tyler's eyes went sad and he gave a small smile. "I love you, Eve. Don't you forget that. I'm not going to leave you, my love." He kissed me again, soft and sweet.

I couldn't help but say I love you back to him.

•••

I woke up that morning in tears and blood on my sheets.

That memory made me cut myself half way through the night. I ended up being pregnant from that encounter, and because I didn't want him to leave me, I got rid of the baby.

Just like Tyler had asked.

Fuck you, Tyler Anderson. I hope you burn in hell.

I shook my head and then looked down at my arms. I needed help. Oh, God, was I finally admitting that? Without waking my mother up, I grabbed the car keys and drove to Jessica's office.

Flashbacks of Tyler and my unborn child kept coming back to me and I couldn't stop crying. But I had to. I had to stop crying if I was going to Jessica with an appointment.

Stop crying.

Stop crying.

Stop crying, please.

When I parked the car, I ran to the front desk but didn't sign in. In fact, I just went back to her office. I wasn't going to wait. I wasn't going to sit and overthink and change my mind.

Everyone was right.

I needed help really badly; and now I was finally doing it.

Yes, Tyler, burn in hell. But thanks for helping me realize that I needed to get better to prove you wrong.

Jessica's eyes went wide the moment she saw me on the other side of her office door. "W-what? Evelyn? What are you doing here? Do you have an appointment?" I shook my head and pushed past her. I heard her give a deep breath of frustration but her voice sounded considered. "You don't just show up. This is new." She closed the door and that's when my eyes started to burn from the tears threatening to spill. "It must be important."

I nodded my head, and turned my body around to face her. She was wearing a light pink sundress and her reading glasses were balancing on her nose. "Jessica," My voice was shaking and suddenly I became scared. Yet no voices came to taunt me. "I've been lying to you. I'm not doing better at all." Tears began streaming down my face like a river and my voice cracked. "At all. Nothing is helping."

She was silent for a couple moments, letting me cry. She just starred at me with raised eyebrows. "Why have you been lying? What changed your mind to tell the truth? You know what we'll have to do because you told me this."

I nodded my head and pulled on the sleeves on my sweater. My arms were burning. I couldn't believe I had injured myself right before I came.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why I came here.

"What made you change your mind to tell me the truth?" Jessica repeated, pushing her glasses up.

I was silence for a long time before wiping tears away and, through a crocking voice, whispered, "His name is Alex; and I'm pretty sure he's the only reason I can look at myself in the mirror."