Sugar

» Twelve

I looked down at my packet of birth control, confusion running through my brain as five out of seven of the red pills had already been taken, and my period was nowhere to be seen. The white pills were taking during the month. The red pills were taken during your period, or when it was meant to be due.
No period.
Not even a slight hue of redness decided to bless me with its monthly presence.

My chest tightened into knots as I thought about the possibilities of what could come from this. I could be pregnant. Or I could just be late, but my period had never been a day late in my life, let alone five. I had been consistent. One pill every day. Waited two months after I started taking it to have sex, and that was more than enough time for it to kick in and start working. It had been two months since I lost my virginity to Wilmer. Three days since I last had sex with him.

Nineteen. I am nineteen years old and in college. I can't have a kid right now! I can't even be pregnant right now, everyone would think that it's Jeremy's, and Jeremy would tell everyone that it's Wilmer's, then Wilmer's life would be ruined.
Wilmer wouldn't even want a kid. Right from the beginning he had told me that I need to be on birth control, that we need to use some form of protection.

I was jumping the gun. Yes, I am five days late. But I've not even taken a pregnancy test yet. I'm not getting morning sickness, I'm not craving anything more than usual apart from sex. Can you blame me though? I silently laughed to myself, I'm freaking out and I might not even be pregnant.

Throwing the mostly empty packet of pills onto my bed, I grabbed my hand bag and headed out of my apartment. Wilmer had to stay back for a meeting, and I didn't have keys for his house yet so I just went back to mine for awhile.

Pulling up outside of the pharmacy, I sucked in a deep breath in an effort to calm myself. The weight on my chest felt although it was suffocating me slowly, and that there was nothing that I could do to fix it.

I had never had this problem before. Choosing which pregnancy test to buy. So many different brands scattered along the shelf, some much more expensive than others, but I guess that made them more trustworthy, right?
Wanting nothing more than to just get this over with, I picked up a box that said 'First Response 99.9% accurate digital pregnancy test, 3 pack!' Written across the front.

I passed the pregnancy test to the female pharmacy clerk, picking up a chocolate bar from the stand next to me in an effort to take the attention away from the elephant in the room. It didn't work. I wasn't complaining though, I had a decoy chocolate bar to eat for absolutely no reason now. The clerk gave me a relaxed smile as she passed me the goods in a small plastic bag, the security guard at the door not giving me a second glance as I walked out of the pharmacy and back towards my car.

..

"Place test in urine for at least 5 seconds, when the clock starts flashing that means it is working. When the clock stops, your result will say either 'Pregnant' or 'Not Pregnant'" I read outloud to myself before taking a bite out of the chocolate bar. That seemed pretty simple. I opened the box while holding the chocolate bar with my teeth and pulled out one of the tests. I tore apart the plastic cover over it when the test beeped. I frowned in confusion before grabbing the box, 'Do not take test out of plastic until ready to use. When removed from the plastic, you have five minutes to use it'. Oops.
Shoving the rest of the chocolate bar into my mouth, I ran into my bathroom and forced myself to pee. I really didn't need to, but I guess if you think about it enough then it convinces your body that you need to.

Okay. Urine on stick. Clock flashing. I had three minutes to wait until the result would be revealed, and then two more tests to take after that. I was thinking about taking one in the morning, and then another one the morning after that just to be sure. Apparently testing in the morning gave the most accurate result.

I almost jumped out of my skin when the plastic stick beeped. As eager as I was to know for sure, I squeezed my eyes shut before opening them to reveal one simple word on the lit up screen of the test.
'Pregnant'

My heart dropped down to the pit of my stomach, I started sobbing, staring blankly at the test that was in my hand. Just in that moment, my phone began ringing. I didn't feel like answering so I let it go to voicemail. A few seconds later there was another ring. I put the test down, wiping my tears before clearing my throat and answering the phone that was on the back of the toilet.
"Hello?" I spoke, holding it against my ear.

"Hey Demi, are you okay?" As soon as I heard the male voice I regretted not checking the Caller ID first.

"Why are you calling me, Jeremy?" I huffed, avoiding the question.

He hesitated. "You sound like you were crying"

"Okay great, bye"

"Wait!" Jeremy stammered, "I was calling to ask are you free today?"

"No" I said bluntly.

"I promise I won't touch this time" He said with urgency in his voice.

I scoffed, "There is no 'this time' Jeremy, stop trying to contact me" I said, rolling my eyes before hanging up the phone and promptly blocking his new number.
I sighed as my phone instantly began ringing again, this time I was sure to check the caller ID before rejecting the call. I couldn't talk to Wilmer right now, I needed to figure out what in the world I was going to say to him.

I let out a frustrated groan as a knock sounded at the front door. More tears rolled down my face as I just wanted to be left alone. Why can't people just leave me alone?
I shoved the tests into the drawer of my bedside table before heading towards my apartment door.

"What?" I said, irritation spreading through my voice as I swung open the door to reveal Wilmer standing across from me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't even the slightest bit relieved that it was him instead of Jeremy. "Wilmer" I sighed, not able to stay annoyed while his big brown eyes were looking into mine.

He smiled softly, "You weren't answering your phone, I finished work early"

I looked to the floor, "I was doing my algebra assignment, sorry"

"Are you sure? Or are you avoiding me?"

"Well I'm fuckin sorry I want to pass this semester and I've been slacking because I've been so invested in you!" I snapped. I lied, I was able to stay annoyed.

"Okay, you don't have to be rude"

"I'm not being rude because I told you I'm busy!" He didn't respond, instead he simply stood with a hurt look in his eyes. "Well I'm sorry my priorities are more important than having sex with you"

"Yeah, the difference is that I'm not paying you anymore" He said, instant regret spreading through his eyes. "I didn't mean that..."

"I knew you just wanted to fuck me! That's all you want! You don't have feelings for me, you're going to leave because I'm too much" I collapsed into tears as Wilmer instantly held me in his arms.

He ran is fingers through my black hair, "What's going on, baby?" He asked. I'm having a baby, I thought to myself.

"I'm just dealing with a lot of shit right now, I'm so scared" I sobbed into his t-shirt. I didn't know what to tell him right now. An idea popped into my head as I pulled away, wiping my tears as I attempted to compose myself. "This is bad timing, but I need some money"

"Demi, if you don't want to-"

I cut him off, "I do want to be with you. But I need the money..."

"What for?" Wilmer asked while cupping my face with his hand.

I sucked in a sharp breath. "We should talk..."