Sugar

» Twenty-Three

"I was engaged..." The words sounded as if they weighed down on him like a tonne of bricks. "Her name was Tana, and I thought she was the love of my life.

"We met in college, I was studying business management and teaching, she was studying performing arts. Usually two people in such different fields wouldn't run into each other on campus, but we did. We fell in love fast, began trusting each other even faster, and soon enough we were engaged." He had stopped talking, taking a moment to himself as I debated whether to say anything to him. I quickly decided against it.

The emotional man took a shaky breath as he prepared to continue. "It was beautiful. I took her to the most luxurious resturant in LA that we would afford at the time. She had no idea, we had only been together for a year at this point, but we were so incredibly in love and I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. So I proposed, I had the chef put the ring at the bottom of her wine class, and after she almost choked on it, she became ecstatic to see that it was an engagement ring. Obviously she said yes, and we went home and... well I'm sure you can figure that out." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I knew it was in his past, but I couldn't help but feel jealous over the fact that he had been with other women like that, which was completely stupid, I know.

"We were living together at this point, and I thought we were happy. I found out a few months later that she had cheated on me with my best friend. They both promised me that it was a mistake and that it was over. I, of couse, was stupid enough to believe them. Eventually she fell pregnant, we were extremely happy about it and couldn't wait to start our little family. We pushed back the wedding so that it wasn't too overwhelming and stuff."

"When she was 6 months pregnant, she was in a big car accident. A semi trailer t-boned her at an intersection, she had right of way. The intersection was a street away from my best friends house, and I joined the dots. I wasn't one hundered percent sure until I saw him show up at the scene, he was worried it was her because she had just left his house... The police wouldn't let him through as he wasn't family, and at that point I didn't want to see him either. He yelled at me, telling me that I needed his support. He told me that he deserved to get through because she was carrying his baby. That was then they let him through.

"We...They lost the baby. A little baby boy, we were going to wait until he was born to find out the gender, but that never happened. I didn't know what she was going to tell me when she gave birth to a blonde baby, one who was going to look nothing like me at all. It was sad. I didn't talk to her or go to see her in hospital. Travis told me that I was an awful person, but at that point I was heartbroken and numb, I didn't care.

"She died in hospital the next day. I debated going to her funeral and ended up going, Travis was there and no one spoke to him after knowing what he had done. After that, I moved around America, travelling. I wanted the feeling of a partner, sex, so I started my business as a Sugar Daddy. Probably not the answer to my problems, but it filled some kind of hole within me. That was until I found you, ten years down the track. An Angel, even with what has happened between us." Wilmer finished explaining. The room grew silent as small tears ran down his cheeks. I hadn't said a word in that time, not a single word. I would never have guessed that something like that had happened to him. That he was engaged, that he wanted a baby... I'm such an idiot, I should have spoken to him about it. "I know what you're thinking, and stop it. We can't change anything that has happened between us, we can only better it."

"I just don't know what to say. You wanted a kid? I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, I probably overreacted as initially I had told you I didn't want the pregnancy risk in this relationship. I have a lot of trust issues, many times she betrayed me and just shut me out. I thought that we were going to get through it, and I actually thought that getting married would fix our relationship, but we never even got that chance. That's why I'm scared to fall in love...I'm scared to get hurt again."

I bowed my head, I knew from the start that it was going to be difficult to get him to open up to me, but this explained why. At first I just believed that he was heartless, but after awhile I knew better.

"I won't hurt you. I won't cheat on you, and I can't promise you that I'll survive, but I won't make the same mistakes again. I'll talk to you, I'm not going to shut you off. I'll trust you, but Wilmer, you need to trust me too. Maybe it'll take awhile, but at least try." I told him, resting my hand over his as he sat next to me. He had never been this vulnerable with me before, and I didn't want to overstep or ruin it.

As he cried in my arms silently, I heard the occasional sniffle here and there. I could tell this was the first time that he had opened up about it in depth. Running my fingers through his hair gently in an attempt to comfort him, he began to calm down.
I didn't know what it is like to lose a loved one, but I knew what it was like to lose the one thing that you could have loved more than anything. I blinked my eyes vigorously, trying not to think about the child that could have been. The Father Wilmer could have been, and the Mother I would have been.

Although it had been three months since I had the abortion, I still thought about it everyday. How the baby would have turned out, who he or she would have grown up to look like, to act like even.
I tried to move those guilty thoughts to the back of my mind with the help of alcohol every now and then, but it alway seem to creep up on me when I really didn't need it to.

"Wilmer." I said, clearing my voice as he wiped away his tears. The only other time that I had seen him cry was when he showed up at my apartment drunk.

"Yes?" he mumbled.

"Everything will be okay. I promise you, we will be okay, everything will be okay. I'm here for you, I always will be." He didn't respond, simply lifting his head and planting a soft kiss on my lips. It wasn't full of lust, it wasn't rushed or needy. It was just nice. The taste of his tears slipping into my mouth as his lips lingered on mine for just a moment longer.

QOTD: What Hogwarts house are you?

I'm Slytherin