you know, for a while there
i really thought i'd know you forever
i thought that you would stay
and that i would stay alive
for you
only, you're gone now
two hospital visits weren't enough
to hold your attention
salmon pink skin on my arms
reopens, and i bleed
and it hurts
and i wish that it hurt more
than what you did
(it doesn't)
my head is so sick
won't you come fix it for me?
but i guess you don't have the tools
anymore
maybe you don't care enough
to pick them up
oh, come pick me up
off of the floor
come hold my heavy body and
never let it go
don't ever let it drop
'cause i won't survive another fall
unless you catch me
unless you love me like before
like when we were kids
two youths
dreaming of a lifetime intertwined
why don't moments last forever?
i'll never understand
why i was so easy for you to break
something inside of me has changed;
if you don't like it
then i'll kill that part of me
with imported marlboros and self hate
drive it to suicide or
smoke it out
when i'm retching up
pieces of my blackened lungs
that chunk of my soul will fall out
and i will offer it to you
on open palms, in chapped hands
please take it
so that i can rest easy, knowing
you'll always carry a part of me
even if it's only
dead weight
a perfect symbol, i suppose
because in your eyes
death is all that i have become
somewhere along the way
i have forgotten what it is
to love and be loved
but i could teach myself again
if ever you asked me to
if ever you cared
if ever you remembered my existence
just long enough to see me:
the ghost in your shadow, begging
to be whole, and dying
to be known
