it was the day my heart fell out
i left it on the bus
to bleed through the seat
it was a heinous crime, minus the scene
and you didn't even stick around
to watch me die
when your stop came up
i knew i was fucked
my blue tongue was poised and ready
but this ink well has long been empty
(tell me, why am i so empty?)
you pressed the red button
and my heart lit up
"now stopping"
and then you got off
followed by my glassy eyes;
followed by my early demise
that comes later
i got home
and looked at my phone
in the black screen i saw somebody
they looked like me but they were alone
must have been a trick of the light
or maybe i don't know myself
without you at my side
when i talked to you next
you were a block of text;
a handful of words i'll never forget
sick, sick, sick
you're so fucking sick of me
said you haven't got a taste for entropy
but there's disorder in my veins
it reigns or it rains
i know you can't stand either
so you're opting for neither
running for cover
and i can't blame you
but i can blame me
and i do, and i do, and i do
"happier alone", that's what you said
i think i'd be happier if i were dead
please confess,
is that what you're after?
do you want my blood on your hands
and my head on a platter?
except your hands are clean
unlike the hem of my sleeve,
soaked in something thicker than water
ask your mother
is she proud of her daughter?
you never thought you were alike
but in your burn i feel her ice
i hope that scares you
'cause i'm terrified
things are different now
i've stopped trying to get better
i don't wear anything
but that baby pink sweater
with those bold white letters
i used to repeat like a mantra
1 - 8 0 0 - b e h a p p y
sorry to say
i'm still weird in the brain
because i don't want to recover
if you're not here
i need to need you, i can't leave you
and i refuse to believe you
when you say you don't want me
or when you claim not to care;
do you remember a time
when i wasn't there?
all i want is for you to come home
get to me
before i surrender my bones
(that i might finally become unknown)
you could zip up my wounds
and i could mend our past
so please just get on the bus
and bring my heart back
