on the back of an old movie ticket
i wrote down your darkest secret
so that i might finally accept it as true:
you left me and you're never coming back
she left you and she's never coming back
i hold your secret in my fist
and i remember
that day, you bought me a can of jack
and i pretended to drink it
while you sipped your lemonade
as it so often did, your head lay
on my shoulder, an open invitation
forever yours
for every teary eye and weary journey;
countless evenings spent
with your dark hair in my face and
your darker eyes closed
'cause you said you felt safe with me
i always felt safe with you, too
did i ever get a chance to tell you?
things have changed for you
now that you've got an endless crowd
to keep you feeling safe
and to protect you from me
do you look at me and see danger?
if not, old friend, you should
all my old friends have gone
for a reason
dry lips, cracked wide open
they begin to bleed words never uttered
so i wipe them clean
with the back of my sleeve
because my sleeve is already acquainted
with every damp shade of coward
i've been speaking in suicide notes
and amateur poetry, every metaphor
pertaining to death
or pertaining to us, what's the difference?
we have killed each other
a thousand times
only, you were the first to admit you were tired
turn away from me at last;
close your eyes
to the horror show, to the bloodbath
we've been drowning in for so long
because you are the final girl and
this is the scene where you kill me
i guess monsters never win
audience members gasp
when you bury your bare hand
into my chest, into a rotting cavity,
and yank out a smooth black stone
worn by the tides of a violent ocean;
pulled by a moon reminiscent of you
do you see?
you were not the only one
who was changed by what we had
then, standing above my lifeless body,
you carve my darkest secret in stone
and hold it in your fist
"you tried to leave me but you always came back"
i tried to leave you but i always came back
except there's no coming back from this
