Little Thoughts

"T" is For....

So, about a month ago, I had to write a paper about a letter that represents me as a person. I didn't really know how to feel about it, but my English teacher reassured me and told me she enjoyed my paper thoroughly. She actually gave me a 100% on it, so it makes me happy. And now....now I want to share it with you guys. 

So, without further adieu, here we go!

 No one suspects "T" would be it....

With countless letters bouncing around in my brain, never would anyone think that "T" would be my final decision. Honestly, each letter of the alphabet (26 in total) would have the ability to represent who I am and whatever goes on in my noggin. Of course, I could have made an obvious choice and picked "J" because it's the first letter of my name, or chose "P" because of the epic procrastination that lies within me. However, thinking back on Hester from The Scarlet Letter, I realized that if I wanted a letter to show me entirely, and not just certain parts that seem to stand out the largest, I was going to have to search thoroughly through the many possibilities before me. So, I sat at my desk and let the options roll,

and that's when it hit me.

"T" was the perfect letter.

I had already started doing something that I was known for: thinking. Though the "t" isn't a prominent sound in the word, it's definitely one thing I always do. Usually in mere silence to have my imagination run wild, I think about basically anything and everything at any time. It's not necessarily a terrible thing, however, it usually goes too far. I begin to overthink after a while, which leads to me stressing out about scenarios that never happened nor could ever happen. Still, it's on repeat. I always, always, go back to thinking because it's an escape; it takes me out of the real world and into something that seems so much easier until reality gets sucked in, twists itself around in dreamland, and turns something astounding into a nightmare-ish bubble that must be popped. It's why I have a thought-bubble on my letter, but there's a whole other reason as to why there's a cup of tea in it.

It's because I like tea. That's it.

While building up my letter "T," I was looking through all of the font options I had and discovered "Finger Paint," which brought up another "t" word that people like to say I have.

"Talent."

From my artwork to my writing, to the strange thing I do with my thumb, I am praised for what I've accomplished and what I can do. I, however, do not agree with this word and lean more toward "talentless" because it seems to fit me better in my eyes. I never see a work of art by my hand to be beautiful, nor an essay or story to be practically perfect. I see flaws scattered about everything I create or do. I'm never satisfied with myself. I think, "I can do better than that. That's atrocious." I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself and say "I'm talentless" because doing that will get me nowhere. Still, all of us do it. We are our worst critics. No matter if it's praise or destructive words from others, we are the ones that judge ourselves the most, which can lead us to be harsh. Maybe someday, I'll see something within myself that is truly worth the word called "talent." It might happen in time.

Now, that's another word I use a little too much.

Time.

Time is of the essence and all that jazz, but the reason I use it is because I'm in constant worry about how much of it I have. Really, I have no reason to do so. I'm only 17, for Pete's sake! Why worry over the amount I have when I still I have a life to live out? Is it because I procrastinate and am in fear that everything I do will be late, and I'll never have a stable life?