Little Thoughts

Just Your Average Dickwad, Here!

Heya, there! It's me, Jepsyca. But today, I'm not a person behind a screen. I'm not words on a sheet of paper trying to explain a situation I'm in. I'm not "Jepsyca".

Today, I'm the average dickwad.

Obviously, there will be people disagreeing with me, but it's what I am.

Just an average human being.

I have my struggles. I have my good days and bad days. I sleep, eat, and do what normal ordinary humans do.

I am one in billions of people on planet Earth.

So, why am I even here? Why do I choose to write stories and thoughts? Why do I make shitty videos to post them on the internet? Why do I sit around, wondering what the hell I'm doing or where I'll go in life?

That is something I'm unsure of.

I tell myself that I could possibly bring joy to certain people. I say that it can help with my social anxiety to make me be more open. I want to have these thoughts every day.

But, I can't.

Sometimes, I fall off of the cloud I'm on and hit rock bottom. Sometimes, I can't handle my thoughts. 

But, most of the time, I'm making excuses.

I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of hate.

And fear gets the best of me.

But, sometimes, fear gets the best of us. We slowly wonder what we're doing that we potentially spiral into a downfall that degrades our passions. No one likes fear, yet it can consume us easily. 

But, fear can also push us forward. It can break the barriers we put on ourselves.

Not always, just sometimes.

So, why are you reading the average dickwad's words? 

Because you can. You might be intrigued on what's going on in someone else's life. You might want an escape from your own. Or maybe not. Who really knows your reasons but yourself.

All I'm saying is, I'm just a person.

I'm not some high-and-mighty human who's above everyone else.

I'm just me.

Let me introduce myself.

Hi, my name is Jessica. I'm 16-years-old. I'm 5'7". I'm 195 pounds. I'm lazy as fuck, make too many excuses and spend the majority of my days on a desktop computer or laptop. I am in constant fear of everything. I have social anxiety. I have mild lingering depression. I'm always degrading myself of any skill I may possess. I over eat. I sleep in too late. I never focus on a task at hand. I can be very odd. I randomly dance and sing while doing chores, in the car, or if I'm home alone. Youtube is a drug and I'm an addict. I have big dreams that will never come true. I have a big heart and can feel others' pain. I'm not strong enough for emotions. I talk to myself on a regular basis. I've had my heart broken. I sometimes wish I wasn't here, but I know I must have some purpose. 

I'm me.

I'm just the average dickwad.

And you know what? That's okay.

I like being average.