Lexa Croft - The New Tomb Raider

Chapter 5

Lexa's POV

I nearly killed her. I nearly killed an innocent person that was taking actions out of hurt. However, she was wrong about me. I wasn't hurt at all, since I left everything behind that had something to do with Costia or my mother. I just couldn't figure out why I got so upset about her calling me weak. Maybe something was indeed still haunting me.
When she analyzed me, I couldn't hold back my anger anymore and I felt the urge to shut her up by squeezing her throat, until she would never say anything again, but when I saw the change in her eyes.. When she went from confident to panicking, I felt a sudden pain inside my heart and I couldn't bear hurting her any further.

I ran outside to get a clear head again and that night I didn't get a wink of sleep.
In the morning, I was woken up from the little sleep I had by people packing their stuff. Just as I was about to get up, two guys, the Asian among them, walked with heavy steps towards me and held me down.
I took a quick look at Octavia and Raven who shrugged their shoulders.
"What do you want from me?" I snorted as they tied my hands together. My friends, however didn't get tied.
"It's our boss' order." The Asian guy mumbled and soon I was roughly lifted up and placed on my feet.

Seconds later, the blonde stood right in front of me. She nodded towards the boys to leave us alone.
"That's not necessary." I whispered.
"Considering what happened last night, I think it is indeed necessary to keep your hands tied so they won't get near my throat again." I watched her as she brushed one of my hair strands behind my ear that had fallen into my face.
"Who says I can't free myself within a second?" Her eyes met mine.
"If you want me to trust you again, you better don't try." She said and left.

We walked for what seemed ages and my feet started hurting. The guys were leading the way with torches, and Octavia and Raven even chatted with them whilst I was walking with Clarke a few meters behind them. Not even one word was spoken between us and I got bored.
"Where are we?" I looked at her, scanning her figure in the weak light the torches spent, and I couldn't help but being stunned by her beauty.
"You're staring." She slowly turned towards me.
"I wasn't." My cheeks turned red and I was glad the light was too weak for her to notice.
"Sure you weren't." She winked, trying to read a map. I was quite interested in how she got it.
"We're in the middle of the temple and we still have to find a way up. Soon we'll pass an underground pond where we'll rest for a bit. I might untie you if you behave." Another wink. I rolled my eyes.
"I won't hurt you again."
"Who's reassuring me you won't?" She raised an eyebrow.
"I do. I was being an asshole and lost my control." I sighed. "Because you were right about me. There's some stuff I couldn't process yet." I bit my lip and looked down to the ground.
A feeling of discomfort ran through my body and I wished, I could just hide myself in one of the crevices. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back, stroking up and down, and in the next moment my hands were free again. I turned to Clarke with a deep frown on my face. Why did she untie me?
"Don't look at me like that. I've got a weakness for apologies." She smirked.
"I didn't apologise.."
"You did." I smiled at the view of her smiling. It made me feel better somehow.

"Are you going to tell me about the things that you couldn't process yet?" She asked with a cute sound in her voice. Who could ever resist such cuteness. Me.. but not this time..

With a sigh, I started walking slower so the others wouldn't eavesdrop our conversation and find out about the truth I hid for years.
"It's my mother." I swallowed by the thought of her face, her eyes, her smile and the way she talked to me. How could I ever forget her. I couldn't. Regardless how hard I tried, I couldn't get her out of my mind.
Clarke listened carefully and a cute frown appeared on her usually flawless forehead.
"We shared a complicated relationship from the start. My mother apparently trusted the wrong guy and got pregnant."
By the thought of my father, a sudden anger and sadness reached the surface of my self control..but gladly I could shake it off.

"She was very young and had problems raising me so she just quit and left me for her job she'd call her destiny and fate, without considering I should've been her destiny. That I should have been the only one thing on her mind, but instead she prioritised anything else. She went on long trips and only ever returned for a few days, until she would leave again."
I bit my lip at the thought of my child version, standing barefoot and with only a pyjama and my teddy bear pressed up against my chest in the middle of knee high snow on Christmas Eve, waiting for my mother to come home. Titus found me in the middle of the night and carried me against my will inside. I remember the look of myself in the mirror, hanging on the wall, when he carried me into my room. I had a pale face and no signs of happiness or love was to be found inside the green of my eyes.

Clarke sighed and placed one arm around my waist to comfort me. I turned my head to look at her and met piercing blue concerned eyes looking right back at me. I could find so many more emotions inside them, the more I studied her. I didn't see her as any threat anymore, I rather started doing something I would have never expected myself doing. I started trusting her.
With one hand on hers that still rested on my waist, I took a deep breath before I continued.
"As a child I didn't quite understand why she left me again and again, and I didn't know what I did to her to make her hate me so much that she even ignored any of my begging for her to stay. I wanted her near me, I needed her around me to comfort me whenever I was sad, but instead I had to keep everything to myself. I kept bottled up any emotion she had caused and I became a ghost that soul got lost with the time. I got older and started isolating myself from anything that had to do with her and I tried replacing her with friends and my best friends' mother." I pointed at Octavia and Raven.
"Their mother had been more of a mother to me than my own. She picked me up from school when Titus was late again, she cooked for me and gave me a place to stay whenever I got into a fight with Titus who was and kinda still is my butler and my nanny at the same time. She also provided a certain security and love. When I was older, she picked me up from the streets and brought my drunk ass to bed that she had warmed up with hot water bottles, just for me to be as comfortable as possible. But still, something was always missing. Something that could have never been replaced. It was her."
I couldn't control it anymore. My stomach ached and my legs started shaking. Tears were running down my cheeks like waterfalls and I had the feeling to just breakdown and scream, but Clarke wouldn't let this happen. She felt me getting weak and pulled me into a tight hug and I placed my hands around her neck, pressing her even harder against me.
She didn't say a word, she just held me like i needed to be held, I hadn't felt safer before.

Since the others didn't notice we stopped walking, the light slowly faded, until we stood there in the middle of darkness. Yet we didn't care because everything we concentrated on, was us.
I concentrated on regaining self control and she was focused on holding me. I felt her heartbeat on my chest and I tried to count her heartbeats per minute but much to my surprise, it started beating faster as soon as i pressed her harder against me. The lovely sound sent a calm sensation through my body and it slowly brought me back to reality. Even though I couldn't see her, I knew she was right in front of me and I imagined what she looked like. God I couldn't help but admit she was beautiful in reality and in my imagination.

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Hey friends!
Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please vote and comment if you did.
Sorry if there are any mistakes, don't have the nerve to proofread.
Can't even eat my little portion of Mexican food ..😞
Hope you had a great day tho 💗
Res