Prophecy: Tome of Magic

4. Every Day Only Seems Like a Gift

It had become her routine, and she didn't even mind it. Each day Nina would wake, and then she'd head to the demon hospital, learning new things in her infinite discovery, and sharing her knowledge in the edification of the interns and fellow doctors who had taken up her cause and joined in the crusade. From there she'd drift to Cliff's apartment, to check on him and make sure that he had everything he needed. She more or less found him just the same every day-drunk and without filter-yet she stood by him and cared for him as if he was still the man that she'd fallen in love with. Before, that would be the end of her day, but for a while now she'd also taken to visiting Toby, to do all the things for him that she did for the man that she loved.

Toby made no attempt to hide what he was up to, and she was aware-as were all the others-that he had taken to the streets to find something strong enough to make him forget. It may have only made Lorelei detest him that much more, but Nina understood the place of hurt that he was coming from. So she checked on him too. Indeed it was her routine-her life-the only thing that she had to fill up her days. Maybe that was sad, but if she stayed busy enough she didn't have to consider the truth of what she had been told-that her life was empty, and that she had nothing. She had her compassion, her love, and that would have to be enough.

"This is a dangerous game you're playing," she finished checking Toby's eyes with her little light, noting the way the pupils revealed to her that he was just coming down from a high. She would've told him that he might kill himself if he wasn't more cautious, but she knew that he would probably only view that as an invitation. "You should be more careful."

"What do you care?" He was hoarse, too filled with lethargy to be truly malicious-though she knew it was his intent-and he rolled slowly onto his side, away from her.

"Of course I care, you should know that by now. Here, drink," she patted him lightly on the shoulder, holding out the glass of water while she waited for him to return to her and take it. He did. She looked at him, and she considered all the things he was going through, and how her heart broke for him. "I don't understand why you're doing this."

"What the hell is that, a rhetorical question?" The liquid offered him a chance at a little more bite, so he took it.

"No, I mean, I know why you're doing it-I know how lonely you've been, I understand what you lost. And I'm trying my best to be understanding about everything that's happened to you, and how it's changing you, but what I don't get is why you're putting yourself through this," Nina's warm brown eyes were inviting, and he wasn't as full of anger or defense when he looked at her. She could see that, and she was glad. "Austin gave his life so that you could go on living-that was what he gave to you, a second chance, he would never want any of this for you. He loved you, and that was the greatest thing he could've given you, and I think you should take it."

"He had no idea how shitty things would be when he was gone, so I don't give a damn about good intentions," Toby grumbled, looking away. It wasn't like he needed any reminder, or any help to comprehend why his lover had done what he'd done. He understood it well enough; it just didn't matter. "Not like you have any room to be preaching at me, sister, from where I sit your glass isn't half full either. Maybe you could use a trip too."

"You're wrong," she bit her lip, not surprised that he had dredged up her own loss, her own emptiness. "Every day is a gift, Toby, no matter the things that have been lost along the way, and we should treat it like just that."

"If you really think that, then you're stupid. Every day only seems like a gift, so that suckers like you will think there's any reason to go on, when the ugly truth is that there's just no hope. We get knocked back on our asses day after day, and that's never going to change-what you've got now is what you're going to get for the rest of your life, and if you can't stomach that shit today, what makes you think it'll be any better tomorrow?" His logic held no holes for him, and he would not relent. She could see that, and for a long while she was quiet, unsure of what to say.