Finish Line

9

Crawling into bed was the most magical thing ever. Dylan left me incredibly confused. What could he possibly mean by all of that. What could I have possibly done. I've interacted with him probably ten times total. However, Dylan Keely has made quite the effect on me. So, in some ways, I understand what he means. Was that him telling me that he feels the same way? Should I speak up and say something? Would it be best if I just told him the truth and exposed my feelings for him. 

I was finally able to drift off with thoughts of Dylan on my mind. Now I'm waddling down the stairs for breakfast. I find Dylan already at the table, eating some pancakes. 

Dylan and I are going home today. Cole and the family are staying for a few more nights. I just wanna get back to Seattle. Away from the madness that comes with this beautiful place. 

I have a weird feeling about today. I have a feeling that it won't be the same. Maybe it will be for the better. That we had somewhat of a conversation about how we're feeling. I've decided that I want to tell him the truth about how I feel. Maybe it will go perfectly or maybe it will go terribly. Whatever happens, it will happen for a reason. 

Breakfast is awkward. Dylan and I sit in silence while mom and Austin chat it up, asking us questions and making up their own answers. We both just nod along as we pick at our food. I continue to take short glances at him, catching him taking glances at me too. It's weird because it's never been weird. We always knew where we stood together, but now we don't. Or at least I don't. 

I have a feeling that telling him about it will help. He's not the first move or risk taker kinda guy.  He clearly doesn't wanna get hurt. That's another thing. He's closed off. What if he wants nothing to do with me. I need to stop thinking. I need to just do what I know is best in my heart. Right? Wrong. 

We finish our breakfast and I finish packing up all of my things. I double check the closet and the vanity. I have everything. It always breaks my heart to leave my mom's house. She's my mom. I love her so much. It's the hardest thing I have to do, leaving her behind. She doesn't come to all my games anymore. When she's close enough or has the motivation to drive down. I sometimes email her my writings but she rarely gets around to reading them. When I was in high school and prior she read all of my writings. She came to every single game. She doesn't have to do that anymore. 

I grew up. I still am growing up. However, I grew far enough out of her arms for her to lose a little bit of interest. This is also on my part too. I know it broke her heart when I chose Seattle over Cannon with her. I should've stayed with her. I miss my mom so much. We cry it out on the front porch. I'm beginning to think I wouldn't be in this situation if I hadn't gone to Seattle in the first place. I just want to cry. And I am. Hard. 

Dylan and I exit the house and begin on our journey back home. I start thinking of ways to tell him. Hey Dyl, um so I kinda like you and I know you're with Katie but considering what happened the other night it's clear there's something here. I just thought you should know? No that sounds awful. It makes me sound like a skank who's willing to just interfere with a serious relationship and break two people up. If I'm able to do that, I'm able to cheat. Or at least in his eyes. 

"Hey Dylan, look, I uh-" He cuts me off as I begin to talk. It's like he knows what I'm about to say. And what he says breaks my heart into a million pieces. 

"Yeah Jules, umm about yesterday, look I was just babbling. I don't know what I was thinking! Maybe I was a little drunk or something. I'm not sure, but whatever the hell I said. Forget it. It means nothing," His words are like poison. They sting in my chest. 

I sit back in my seat. I retreat my words and I just want to cry again. What the hell? I've come to one conclusion. Dylan Keely is a jackass and if he thinks I'm about to fall for him, he's wrong. Trust me I am so getting over Dylan Keely. I'm not about to break my own heart by going after  the hammer.