Flesh and Bone ◇ Bucky Barnes ◇

Chapter X: The Sick at Heart

Joana

13 years went by in the blink of an eye.
More or less.
She saw the time pass first in the Commander. His hair started to grey. Wrinkles appeared on his forehead and his cheeks. His usually brilliant green eyes went dull. He was slower, fatter. He knew he wasn't as young and agile as he once was. He once called in all soldiers and every single personel in the base to introduce them to a boy he was training.
"He'll be the head of HYDRA," the Commander said, patting the grinning boy on the back. "And the head of SHIELD at the same time. I have the most pleasure in introducing you all to Alexander Pierce."
The man looked cold, but he was hardly over 19-years old. He had ice blue eyes and long blonde hair. Joana didn't like him, but she knew the Commander's introduction of this man to be the sign of him getting old.
She despised Pierce. He was around for only a week, but he followed her like a dog. He would stand too close to her when she was training. He would breathe down her neck when she was studying. He was always around. She couldn't complain about it because if she did, that would mean a nasty talking to from the Commander, which was not something she wanted.
So she let him stand too close, she let him talk in the vulgar way he did, she let him do whatever he wanted, because he would be gone in a few days.
While he was there, she got to see Bucky. The Commander let Pierce accompany her so that he could meet Bucky, but Bucky was not happy when he saw how close Pierce was to Joana when he spoke to her.
Joana made sure nothing terrible happened until Pierce left, but when she saw Bucky two weeks after Pierce had gone, he would not stop fuming about how Pierce eyed her or how he wouldn't stop trying to interrupt them. Joana thought it was funny.
The doctor who used to run the tests on Joana (before she unceremoniously bit most of his nose off), died from a heart attack before Alexander Pierce came around. Joana since then had a new doctor, and she could already see him aging as well.
Aleksi saw her privately less and less. He too was getting slower. He bothered her less. He almost seemed kind sometimes. But he still made her life hell, her's and Danika's.
It was Danika's aging that hurt Joana the most. The undersides of her eyes were getting baggy. She couldn't fight off all of Joana's attacks when they sparred. She couldn't always remember how to respond when Joana talked to her in different languages. It took her longer to get places.
"How long has it been, Danika? How long have I been here?" Joana asked one day. Danika sighed and dropped her hands. She groaned, rolling the shoulder that Joana had just hit.
"A very long time."
"How long?"
Danika sat down on the mat and scooped up the bottle of whiskey Joana had snuck in. She took a long swig.
"Years and years, Joana." Danika looked over at Joana. "How old was I when you came?"
"You said that you were 27."
"How old do I look now?" Joana tilted her head.
"Late thirties, early forties."
Danika smiled.
"I am 43, Joana."
Joana swallowed.
"I've been here for 16 years. And Bucky's been here for longer."
Danika nodded slowly, taking another long gulp of whiskey.
"And you've managed to stay strong through that time," Danika said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "That is true bravery, Joana."
They say and talked about life and love and death for the rest of their time. They drank and were merry.
Joana didn't sleep that night.
It had been 16 years since she joined this terrible place. 16 years since she had been taken from her family. Winnie was 42.
Joana was surprised how little she thought of her family these days. It was too hard, she guessed. But now that Winnie's name popped into her head, she could not shake it away. Winnie was a grown woman. Maybe she went back to college. Maybe she got married. Had kids. Maybe she was now one of the most influential people in America. Think of it, a poor black girl, changing the world. Who would have thought of it?
And Grams. Well, Grams was already old, so there was a small chance she was alive. The thought of her grandmother's endless generosity and her unsurpassable boldness being gone from the Earth made Joana's throat swell. The world was already dark, and without Grams, it would be so much darker.
And what became of Robert? Was he able to stay with Grans? What happened after she died? Was he turned out onto the streets? Or was he allowed to stay? There was too many questions, questions that Joana wanted answered.
For the first time in 16 years, Joana knelt on the floor, her hands folded against the bed. She lifted her eyes to the sky and she prayed.
Tears leaked from her eyes as she asked God for forgiveness. She asked for the salvation of Danika and those she was surrounded by. She asked for her sister's safety, and her Grams' rest. She asked to keep Robert safe. She asked if Steve was happy. She asked for strength for Bucky. She thanked God for the life she was given, and thanked him for helping her stay strong.
When she had finished, she crawled into bed and shut her eyes.
It wasn't until she woke the next morning that she realized she had fallen asleep. She dreamt of her sister and what her life would have been like if she hadn't been taken by Hydra, if Bucky and Steve had come home.
She sat up, trying to keep the tears from her eyes. She shook her head, as if that should shake the dream from her memory. And she began her day.
Life went on. It continued as if nothing changed. But everything changed. Danika continued to slow. Aleksi continued to be absent. The Commander made plans for Hydra after he was gone.
1 more year passed when the Commander dropped to his knees suddenly. Danika and Joana were by his side in seconds, as he clutched his chest.
"Tobias, what's wrong?" Danika asked. The Commander seemed as if he was trying to speak, but he couldn't.
"Heart attack," Joana said, her voice flat and unfeeling. She looked up at Danika. Her blue eyes were looking over the Commander's sweating face with frantic movements. Her nails dug into his back, like she was the only thing keeping him upwards.
The doctors ran into the room.
"We need to see him," one said calmly. Joana stood.
"Danika," she whispered, but Danika didn't respond. "Danika!"
The blonde haired woman looked up at Joana, her eyes glittering with tears. She slowly stood and let the doctors heave the Commander on to a stretcher. After they had run out, Danika and Joana followed behind.
"After everything he's done, and you still care for him." Joana's voice was laced with anger, as if she didn't understand. If anyone would understand, it would be her.
Danika shook her head.
"No I don't! Yes, I do. It's not...I can't...it's not that simple, Joana," Danika replied, her voice strained. Joana let her anger soak away and looked at the older woman.
"I'm sick, Joana." The tears were still in her eyes, but Joana didn't think those tears were for the Commander anymore. "We both are. We hate them with every inch of our being for what they did, but who would we be without them? After everything he's done to me, I can't help but think of everything he's done for me. He's taught me so much. How could I not be grateful? How can I be grateful? How can I love someone who is nothing but evil? We're sick, Joana. We are deadly ill and the Devil has come to collect his prize."