Flesh and Bone ◇ Bucky Barnes ◇

Chapter XXI: Beleaguer

Joana

She didn't want to talk about her dreams. She didn't want them to affect her like Doctor Salazar said they might. She couldn't imagine what Pierce might do with her once he realized that she could hardly handle the image of him in his head. She didn't know what she would do if he was standing right next to her. She didn't know if she would tear his head off or be paralyzed with fear. She felt as if she didn't have control of her own mind anymore. 
She spent most of her time with Doctor Salazar. He helped her with all of the physical therapy involved with getting both hands and her legs back to the way they were before. He seemed to understand more than most how frustrating it was to have to sit in a chair for hours on end trying to move parts of your body that felt like they needed oiling. Whenever she wanted to give up, he would encourage her whatever way he could. He always seemed to be by her side when she needed him. 
When she wasn't with Salazar, she was down in the training room, trying to regain her previous shape. More often than not, that was where she met Bucky. They would talk like acquaintances, as if nothing had ever happened. He gave her tips, which she often found irritating because she knew what she was supposed to do and how she was supposed to do it, but there was something wrong and she couldn't put her finger on it. One of these many times, Joana grew tired to fighting a punching bag when there was a perfectly good human right there in the room with her. 
"Spar with me?" She asked, taking a sip of water. Bucky, who was leaning against the door frame not-so-silently judging her technique, chuckled. 
"You can't be serious, Partner. You're still healing. I can't fight you with good conscious," he said to her. Her lips twitched upward into a half smile. She put her hands on her hips. 
"I thought you didn't have a conscious, Winter Soldier." He rolled his eyes at her. "What, are you scared that I'll beat you even after being half dead for the past few months." 
He pursed his lips at her and pushed himself off the door frame, striding towards her. 
"Was that a challenge, Kegley?" He asked, crossing his arms. She mimicked his movement.
"You bet it was, Barnes." 
They stared at each other, expressions of amusement mirrored on each other's faces. 
"Fine, but I'm going easy on you," he said to her, stepping on to the sparring mat. She cocked her head to the side. 
"Fine, but I'm not going easy on you," she retorted. She met him on the mat. They stood in front of each other, hands raised. 
"Scared, Barnes?" 
Bucky laughed. Joana's heart jumped at the sound of it. In her moment of weakness, he started his attack. She had to go on the defense for the first few attacks, which she didn't enjoy too much, but it wasn't long before she got the upper hand, or least, and equal one. If anyone watched in on them, they wouldn't have been able to describe the movements the two were making, for it went too quickly and without any sense of style. 
Joana picked up the pace when she got Bucky on one knee and clambered up his back until she was sitting on his shoulders. Growling angrily, he grabbed her legs and lifted her off of him and into the air. He dropped her to the ground and just barely managed to get to his feet before she was back on hers. She had an amused smirk on her face, her fists ready. 
"Getting tired, Old Man?" She asked him. He cocked his head. 
"Never. You?" 
In the blink of an eye, they were no longer standing on their two feet, but they were both laying on the ground. Bucky was on his back, his hands wrapped around Joana's small body, which was pressed against him. They froze, both breathing heavily, their faces just inches apart. Joana didn't know what to do. This was the first time in so long that she felt that Bucky was there with her. Not the Winter Soldier, not whoever it was that was in love with Natalia, but Bucky, her Bucky. Her heart swelled a hundred sizes and she so badly wanted to close the distance between them. She could not imagine what was going on inside his head, and she could do nothing but look him in the eye. 
"Joana-" 
She rolled off of him, breathing heavily. She stood quicker than she thought she ever had in her life, running her hand through her hair. 
"I should...erm...Doctor Salazar probably wants to see me...Natalia comes back tonight...." Joana picked up her stuff and looked back at Bucky, who was propped up on his elbows, his face contorted into an expression of confusion. "Thank you, for...um...yeah. Thanks." 
Her face burning with embarrassment, she rushed out of the room. 
She felt like an idiot. Especially when she lay in her bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, her heart still pounding in her chest. It was the first time in forever that she had him so close to her. She felt his breath on her neck, his lips so close to her own. She couldn't quite remember how they ended up in that position, but she thanked God that they had. His hands around her waist, the feeling of his metal hand against the small of her back...
Joana shut her eyes as tightly as she could, trying to shake away the images. He was in love with Natalia. He was in love with Natalia. James Barnes was in love with Natalia Romanova, not her. 
She rolled on her side, arms pressed against her chest. She didn't want to sleep, because she didn't want to dream that dream again. She didn't want to wake up terrified like she did every time she pulled herself from her sleep. She didn't want to be afraid of Pierce anymore. She didn't want the image of the man she loved watching her as she burned and screamed. She didn't want to think about what any of it meant. 
Beside herself, her eyes slowly fluttered closed, her mind's eye lingering on Bucky's beautiful face, the feeling of his arms around her. And for once, she had no nightmares that night. She slept well, even knowing that he was spending the night with Natalia across the room from her.