Flesh and Bone ◇ Bucky Barnes ◇

Chapter XVII: Invisible Hands

Joana

"I swear to you, Pierce, I didn't see them doing anything wrong," Joana whimpered, tears of pain rolling down her cheeks, stinging the open wounds on her cheeks and neck. 
"Don't lie to me, Joana!" Pierce yelled, slamming his hands on her metal chair. 
"I'm not! I'm not!" She screamed, shaking the chair. "I walked in and they were sparring! He had her pinned to the floor. That's all I saw before I left!" 
"Why would you leave then? That room is open to training. It's one of the few places we don't have cameras. Why would you leave unless you saw something you didn't want to?" Pierce's eyes were on fire with fury. Karpov was picking a new knife. The last one was too bloody already. 
"I already told you. I wanted to be alone. You can't be alone in a room occupied by someone who hates your guts and someone who doesn't remember that you love them."
"Where did you go afterwards?"
"Another training room without a camera."
"Why without a camera?"
"Because I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be away from everybody, including you."
"But we didn't see you on any of the cameras on the way to the other training room. Why are you lying to me?"
"I'm not! I've been here for over a year. I know where all the blind spots are on all the cameras. I know how to get around without you seeing me. Pierce, please, believe me. I just wanted to be left alone." Joana had always been a good liar. She had gotten even better over the years at HYDRA. Maybe it was enough to convince Pierce she was telling the truth, even if most of it was truth. Pierce glared at her. 
"I don't believe you."
He turned and grabbed the knife out of Karpov's hand and stabbed it straight through Joana's hand. 

*** 

 2 Weeks Prior...

Joana couldn't breathe. An invisible hand was wrapped around her throat, stopping the air from coming out, while another squeezed her heart. The pain in her chest was almost more than she could bare. Her knees went weak, her legs shaking. She dropped her bag on the floor and leaned against a wall, trying to calm her heart, stop the blood from pounding in her ears. Her vision was black for a moment.
Natalia and James. She should have seen it. She was too blind to it. She was an agent for crying out loud, it was her job to see these things! But there she was, blind to the love her two friends fostered for each other. There she was, trying to control her heart rate and her breathing as her childhood sweetheart pinned another woman to the ground, kissing her. Joana shut her eyes and shook her head, trying to clear the image away from her mind.
Breathing deeply, she pushed herself off the wall and bent down to pick up her bag. When she stood straight up again, Natalia and Bucky were sitting up, staring at her. She could see the fear in their eyes, because what they were doing was wrong. She could tell Pierce. She could tell anyone. They would be separated.  She could have Bucky again. They would be apart. 
They would be miserable. 
They could be dead.
Lower lip quivering, Joana stepped forward, into the training room. She put her bag on the floor. Bucky and Natalia stood, backing away from her. Bucky stepped in front of Natalia, as if to protect her. 
"Partner, ple-"
Joana held up a hand, looking away from them, eyes closed. 
"Don't say anything," she told them. She pushed back the tears that were in her eyes. 
After all this time, after everything she did for him? After everything she did and allowed to be done to her to keep her safe? Anger burned inside her.
After everything she had already done, she couldn't just give up now.
"You're both idiots," she seethed. "You're lucky it was me who walked through those doors. Anyone else, a Wolf Spider, a Black Widow, another agent, anyone else would have gone straight to Pierce."
Natalia couldn't look her in the eyes, only staring at the floor as Bucky's metal arm covered her. 
"Why don't you?" Bucky asked, his tone a little harsh. Joana softened, relaxing her shoulders. 
"My reasons are my own." Because I'm still in love with you. "But next time you two decide to do...anything together, you must be very very careful. If you want Pierce to think that you're still under his control, he cannot see you, under any circumstances, with a woman in this intimate of a way. That would be very bad for all of us." Joana crossed her arms. 
Bucky's arm dropped and he stopped glaring. He looked less like he was ready to fight, and more like he was ready to listen. Natalia still wouldn't raise her eyes from the ground. 
"What would you have us do?" He asked Joana, his voice soft. 
"Do you love her?" Joana asked him. Natalia lifted her gaze for a brief second to look in Bucky's eyes as he turned to look at her.
"Yes. Very much." A bullet went through Joana's heart. She should just turn around now. She should run to Pierce, get them killed. She should tear them apart and she should smile as they were executed. After everything she's done...
"And you, Natalia, do you love him?" Joana's tone was harsher than she meant it. Natalia raised her green eyes, which were brimmed with tears. She nodded once, but it was enough. Joana took a shaky breath, trying not to give away the fact the all she wanted to do now was cry.
"Then I'll help you. Anything you need. My room is always open. Natalia, you know how to get in without being seen?"
Another nod.
"Teach him. Just let me know when you two will meet so I can be out of the way." Without saying another word, Joana turned to leave.
"Thank you," Bucky said. Joana froze, turned her head partially, just enough to see that he was smiling. That was something she hadn't seen in years. That was payment enough.
"Don't mention it."
She picked up her bag and left. As she walked passed the window into the training room, she saw Bucky holding Natalia close to his chest. She had tears running down her face and her always red lips were curved into a joyous smile.
Joana's heart shattered, falling into her stomach. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to kill someone. She wanted to kill everyone. She wanted Pierce gone. She wanted HYDRA dead. She wanted to go home.
Instead, she went to another training room. She punched things and kicked things and screamed and cried until she had nothing else left to give. Finally, she collapsed on the floor, wanting nothing more than to stop existing.