I Need You

0.7

It's been a month since the drama with Veronica happened. Things were going great between Erin and Jay, which they were both relieved about. Too bad the two couldn't see into the future. Their relationship was going to be put through the test again, as Jay's military past comes back to haunt him. The test will be if Jay will allow Erin to be there to support him through it all or if he'll push her away.

Since finding out he wasn't the father of Eric, things were pretty much back to normal. He focused on his job and continuing to build a strong relationship with Erin. The only thing different, at least for Jay himself, was the nightmares. That is, if that's what you wanted to call it. Honestly it was war flashbacks. His time in the Rangers were coming back to him. Instead of telling Erin about it, he was keeping it to himself. The guys didn't even know. Jay just never talked to anyone about his military past.

Now Erin knew of his military background, even accompanied him to a funeral of one of his buddies. So, it wasn't like it was another thing being kept from her.  She just didn't know everything. That wasn't uncommon, though. Not a whole lot of veterans like to talk about their time in war. That was understandable to her, nothing about that upset her. It was something she wasn't going to push with him. Honestly, if he never wanted to talk about it, that was fine, but she'd also be okay if he did eventually want to open up about it. She loved him, and support him one hundred percent.

There wasn't an logical explanation for why he wasn't telling Erin about his flashbacks, it was just something he didn't feel like sharing. He thought he was past all of this, that he had dealt with all of it, but it was all coming back. It was actually quite irritating, he thought. This was the last thing he wanted right now. He just wanted to do his job, and focus on Erin and their happiness. Why did life have to keep throwing curveballs their way? Yes, he knew life wasn't perfect, but would it hurt for things to go smoothly for him for longer than just a month?

Now, you're probably wondering what brought back Jay's time in Afghanistan back to haunt him, well, Mouse did. The two served together, and Mouse opened up to Jay about wanting to rejoin the Rangers. He felt like it was a calling, like he needed to go back. Jay wasn't completely sure how he felt about it, but he had to be supportive, right? In a way, Jay knew that there was nothing he could say to make Mouse stay. Yes, it sucked, and the fear of something happening to Mouse over there did bother him. What could he do? If it's what he truly wanted, Jay had his back.

With that news, and the thoughts, worries, he was having, it opened up the door to the memories for the time he served in the Rangers. It was almost like they all came flooding back that night after Mouse told him he was rejoining. The enemies he murdered, the friends he lost, it just all came back at once, and now, it seemed like every night he was having a dream about something that happened over there. Needless to say, he wasn't getting a whole lot of sleep these days.

Erin knew something was wrong, knew that he was dreaming about something that was bothering him, after all, they were sleeping beside one another, how could she not know? Erin didn't ask Jay about it. It was one of those things that she figured he'd tell her when he was ready. If not, that was okay too. She just wanted to help him, but it was hard to help when she wasn't sure what was going on. She loved him so much. She just wanted him to be okay. That was the hardest thing about being in love. Caring so much for someone, but feeling helpless. Even if she knew, would she be able to help? Would her support be enough? Jay was the love of her life, she'd do anything for him.

What was the right way to tell the woman you love about apart of your past you weren't comfortable with reliving? That was Jay's struggle. It wasn't easy for him, hell, he wasn't easy for a lot of people who served or was currently serving, to just openly talk about what they went or are going through. It wasn't that he didn't want to burden Erin with it or anything like that, he just struggled with being open about his military past. He would love to be able to just come right out and tell her everything, but it was hard to just do that. There was so much that he had spent years trying to block out because of how messed up it caused him to feel. Jay loved Erin more than life itself, but he just couldn't open up to her about this, not right now. 

Did that make Jay a bad person, a bad boyfriend, for not wanting to talk to Erin about his military past? That his past was creeping back and causing nightmares for him, and he didn't feeling comfortable enough to talk to her about it. Did that make him a bad boyfriend? Jay would be lying if he didn't say that thought didn't cross his mind. In a way, he felt like he was starting to push her away. She was trying so hard to be there for him, and here he was pushing her away because he didn't have it in him to fully tell her about everything he went through over there. He just couldn't figure out an easy way to talk about his time in the Rangers. All the killing, all he saw every day over there. It just wasn't something he could do right now. He could go on and on about their job, but he couldn't say one word about the nightmare he had of one of many things he went through while serving his country. 

It did hurt, feeling like he was pushing her away, but Erin was a tough cookie, and she wasn't about to let it ruin their relationship. They have been through too much already for whatever this was to come between them. Whatever this was, it was just another bump in the road, they would rise above this. She just wanted to know what was going on. Apart of her was starting to get worried that she had done something wrong. Was he getting bored with her? They confessed their love and survived his ex, but after all of that, was Jay starting to feel like with everything being thrown their way, it wasn't worth it anymore? She was a female, and he was a male that wasn't communicating, how could she not start to worry that whatever was going on, had to do with her. It was just something that a woman always worried about in situations like this.

So, when will all of this finally come out in the open? Will Jay come clean and share that his past in the Rangers was currently haunting him? Or will he push Erin away and keep her in the dark? Will their relationship survive? We shall find out soon enough.

Author's note; So, this chapter probably isn't the greatest. In a way, I wanted to set up what would be happening. I didn't want to just jump right into it. I know this is a subject I want Erin and Jay to go through, but I'm not completely sure how I want it all to play out, so, I may stretch it out a few chapters. Maybe have one chapter be Jay's POV, one be Erin's, and then have it all come together in another chapter. I'm sorry that I haven't been updating this or any of my other stories on here. I did delete my other Linstead story. I just wasn't passionate about it and it was too depressing. It's bad enough they are done on the show, I didn't want to continue a story where they were broken up as well. It just hurt my linstead loving heart too much. I will do my best to finish the next chapter as soon as possible and get it posted, but I would like to update my other 2 stories first before I continue. I want to get back in the swing of updating my stories more often. Anyways, sorry for the ramble. I just wanted to update what my plan was and to apologize if this chapter was a let down. I promise to make everything come together soon! Thanks for taking the time to read this story. It was my first fanfic I have ever wrote, it's my baby, and it means a lot that some of chose to read this story and even add it to their lists. I promise to have the next chapter up soon. Thanks for you patience and support.