✓ | falling ➝ j. cade

iii. edgar allen poe

❝I AM TIRED OF THIS PLACE.
I HOPE PEOPLE CHANGE.❞
- TROYE SIVAN, FOOLS

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As Johnny saw the high school appear in the distance, the tiny piece of paper seemed to get heavier and heavier in his pocket as he approached the school. Was his note too cheesy? Would she just laugh at it? Would she even know it was from him?

Johnny shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket. He'd have to find a way to slip it to Theodosia. Johnny hadn't thought that part through, but Ponyboy said he'd help him. That eased Johnny's mind slightly.

He spotted Steve, Two-Bit, and Ponyboy quickly when he walked into the school parking lot. Johnny was sure to dodge the glares of the Socs and the wandering eyes of the middle class. He could hear Steve from a mile away. He was telling a delightfully loud and colorful story about a girl he and Soda met last night during their shift at the DX.

Steve and Two-Bit didn't notice when Johnny took his normal spot next to Ponyboy. He and Ponyboy kept their mouths shut as Two-Bit encouraged Steve's story, which Johnny decided to tune out. He had heard hundreds of Steve's colorful stories.

So, he let his eyes wander.

Johnny wasn't surprised where they landed. She was with four other people. Two were the ones she was with at the diner yesterday. One was the girl who was scared of Greasers. The last one of a tall guy, much taller than Johnny. He was lanky compared to the strong, muscular build of the other guy. (Was his name James? Johnny didn't remember.). Theodosia had her arm rested on his shoulder. From Johnny's angle of the scene, he could see that she was smiling. Her red hair was pulled up out of her face like normal. He wondered what she looked like with it down.

Without meaning to, he caught her eye. Johnny felt himself blush, willing himself not to break eye contact with her. I need to talk to her today. Johnny tried to picture how it would go, but he just couldn't. He wondered where his friends got their confidence with girls from.

Theodosia broke the eye contact only when the first warning bell rang and separated her from the boy. Johnny looked back to his friends. Steve and Two-Bit were already halfway to the door. Ponyboy, on the other hand, had stayed.

"You ready?" Ponyboy asked.

"I guess, man," Johnny responded, sounding about as excited as he felt.

Remedial math here I come, Johnny thought with a sigh. Needless to say, he hated that class. It always made him feel dumb. He knew he shouldn't be ashamed by it, but he was. Next to him was Ponyboy, who was smart enough to skip a grade. Johnny had always slightly envied him for that. Maybe if he was smart like Ponyboy his parents would hate him less. Johnny never knew what he had done so wrong. Was it because he was dumb? Or because he was so small? And because he couldn't stand up for himself?

Johnny shook his head. Whatever their reason, he wished he knew how he could fix it. He walked down to his locker and grabbed his books for his first class. Dodging people, he made his way there.

Remedial math was a small class. Maybe eleven or twelve people tops. And Johnny was one of the smarter ones in that class. It should've been a compliment when Ms. Schuyler told him, but it only made Johnny feel worse. It was like being the top of the bottom. Not much to brag about. Johnny didn't have much to brag about period. He wasn't smart like Steve or Ponyboy; not charming like Sodapop; not funny like Two-Bit; brave like Dallas; or selfless and dependable like Darry. He was just Johnny. Nothing special.