Don't Fall for the Big Bad Alpha

Chapter 8

Harsh lighting... a faint beeping noise... a mask over my face to keep me breathing... an IV in my arm... a strong hand gripping mine.
I immediately took note of all of these as I woke up. I'm in a hospital... shit. I quickly open my eyes and sit up, panicking. I almost begin to have a panic attack but the person sitting next to me stops me.
"Alex, love, please calm down, don't get yourself worked up and end up passing out again. Please I don't think I can handle it," Theo said, trying to get me to lay back down.
I allowed him to lay me back down on the stark white bed, looking over at him wide eyed as I took the mask off and tried to manage my breathing.
"Try to calm down, love, everything's gonna be alright," he said, squeezing my hand.
"W-what happened? H-how long was I out?" I asked, breathing steadily now but still shaking.
"You passed out, you've been out since yesterday afternoon."
"A whole day?"
"Yes, love. A whole day."
I sighed, closing my eyes to keep the tears at bay.
"Alex, what happened? Do you remember?" He asked, his hand coming up to rest on my cheek.
"Theo we really have to talk. Like seriously talk about some problems I have that you need to know about before we move any further in our relationship. If you even want to continue being with me after I tell you this."
"Alex, what's wrong? You're worrying me, you know that I want to be with you no matter what."
"To start, what happened yesterday was me having a panic attack and not being able to calm down in time to catch my breath and breathe properly, which caused me to pass out. For a long time I've dealt with anxiety and panic disorder. Because of this, occasionally, I have panic attacks. Sometimes they come and go, and while I feel like shit, it's over and everything's fine. Other times, though, it's more severe. This isn't the first time that I've ended up hospitalized because of a panic attack that went too far. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner Theo, I just didn't really know how, to be completely honest. I'm sorry."
"...How bad is it? Your anxiety, I mean."
"Bad..."
"So when you would say stuff like surprises, for example, make you nervous, you really meant anxious, didn't you?"
"Yeah... I did..."
"Love, I'm so so sorry that I didn't take you as seriously as I should've. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this and that you have for so long."
"It's fine, you couldn't have known. I've dealt with it for a long time so I'm kind of used to it and it's not really a big deal now. It's fine, Theo, I promise."
"I feel like a horrible mate for not realizing. For not taking you more seriously. I hope you're not mad at me, and if you are I hope you'll forgive me soon."
"Theo, how many times do I have to say it," I paused and wrapped my arms around his neck so he'd come closer, "it's fine."
"But you ended up in the hospital because of me..."
"Shhh, it wasn't because of you, I swear it's fine. Please, please stop blaming yourself."
I gently pulled him down to me, kissing his lips softly. When we pulled apart I stared up at him, watching his eyes to see how he was feeling, what he was thinking. Unfortunately he was trying to hide it, and all I could get was that he was still unhappy.
"C'mere," I whispered to Theo as I moved across the bed to make room for him, tugging him towards me by his wrist.
He hesitated, but when I pouted and tugged on his wrist again he caved and climbed in the bed with me. I smiled at him, finally getting a smile in return.
"Damn it, Alex, you're literally in the hospital and have been unconscious for a day and you still manage to be so fucking cute. I don't understand it, I really don't."
"Quit, I probably look like a piece of trash."
"Actually you look like a goddess. A queen."
"Yeah right."
"No I'm serious though, you look just as gorgeous as ever."
"So...I look bad."
"I said gorgeous?"
"Actually you said as gorgeous as ever and I never look good much less gorgeous so you're saying I look bad."
"No, you always look amazing love."
"If only I believed you."
"Yeah. If only."
We both got quiet after that, and instead of saying something in response to him, I just moved closer and curled up against his side. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes.
"Do you want to get some rest while I go talk to someone about getting you out of here, love?" Theo asked, his fingers gently brushing through my hair.
"No, I'm okay, I'll stay awake. You go do that and I'll be waiting for you when you get back. Hurry?"
"Alright, whatever you say, love. I'll hurry back."
Theo kissed my head one more time before getting out of the crisp white bed and walking out the door. I sat up somewhat, even though I really was tired and wanted to sleep. But I didn't want to sleep if he wasn't even going to be in the room. I don't like hospitals.... gives me more anxiety than usual. I tugged at the thin blankets, pulling my knees up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees, resting my chin on them.
It was almost an hour later when Theo finally came back and I was still in that position, staring at the blinds covering the window. I was almost in pain from how tired I was, but I refused to sleep unless I knew that Theo wouldn't leave me alone.
"Hey, love, I'm sorry I was gone so long," he said as he walked over to me, kissing my forehead as I looked up at him.
"S'okay, did you talk to someone?" I asked as I barely kept my eyes open.
"Yeah, I did. I can take you home later tonight after they do one more checkup."
"Which home?"
"Mine, I want to make sure you're okay."
"Okay."
"You seem tired, love, why didn't you sleep while I was gone?"
"Didn't want to..."
"Why not?"
"You weren't here, and I don't like hospitals..."
"Well I'm here now, why don't you take a nap until the doctor comes to see you?"
"Okay, sure."
I yawned, moving so I was laying down on the bed. I had just closed my eyes when I felt Theo grab my hand. I opened my eyes in time to see him pulling my hand close to him, intertwining our fingers, and laying his head down on the bed. I sighed, moving closer to him and resting my head by his.
•••
"Hello Alexandria, I'm Dr. Lee. I'm here to give you your final checkup before you get out of here," a tall man in a white coat said with a kind smile.
I gripped the sheets between my fingers to hide their shaking, and smiled politely at him as I waited for him to continue. He asked me a series of questions, all things I'd been asked before. I gave the answers that I always give, nodding and smiling even though I was just trying to get this over with so I could get out of here.
Eventually he was finished, and he gave me some prescription for my anxiety that I probably honestly won't take-they've never worked before so why would they work now-and sent me on my way. I walked out of the hospital with Theo, his arm around me. When we walked back into the pack house and into the living room, everyone who'd been in the room went silent. I hesitated as I was walking, almost tripping as Theo continued on.
"Ignore them. Just keep walking. I'll only address them if I absolutely have to," Theo whispered in my ear, quiet enough that no one else would hear it.
I just nodded in response, feeling incredibly small as all eyes in the room were on us. I barely held it together as I pressed into Theo's side, my hand reaching out and grabbing onto his shirt as we started up the stairs. He looked over at me, but I kept my eyes on my feet, afraid that if I looked away I would trip and embarrass myself in front of all these people. I felt him kiss the side of my head, squeezing my side as we continued to walk. Eventually we reached his suite, and he led me into his bedroom.
"Alex, love, would you like to take a shower before you go to bed?" Theo asked me, and I️ finally looked up at him.
I️ nodded, resting my hands on his chest as he turned me towards him and wrapped his arms around my waist. I️ looked him in the eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck as I️ stood up on my toes to be face to face with him. I️ paused, but only for a second, before I️ kissed him. The kiss was slow, and gentle. I️ was tired, and honestly a little shaky from being in the hospital still, but I️ wanted to show him that I️ was thankful for him and everything he's done for me. This was the best way I️ could think of to do that.
When I️ pulled away from him I️ kept my eyes closed, settling back down on my heels. Theo leaned down and kissed me again, gently backing me up against the wall behind me. He pulled back after a bit, kissing my neck lightly instead. My head tilted back, and I couldn't think straight. He'd barely even touched me and all I️ could focus on was him.
"I'm so glad you're out of the hospital, love. It hurt me so much seeing you in that hospital bed. It made me think of worse reasons as to why you could be in that bed. I️ don't want to think about it anymore," Theo whispered, burying his face in my neck.
"I️ know, I'm sorry Theo," I️ responded quietly, holding him close.
"Hey, it's not your fault, love. Besides, I️ don't think I️ could ever be mad at you. In fact I️ wish I️ could join you for your shower but I️ know that's not what you want."
"Are you kidding?"
"What?"
"Of course I️ want that it's just the question of is it the right time yet."
"I️ think that whenever you're ready is the right time."
"Well in that case it's always been the right time. I'm not worried about whether it's the right time for me, I'm worried about how the pack would react if we had mated. Especially now since I'm sure they all know what happened and that I️ was in the hospital I'm sure they think I'm weak and not good enough to be their Luna."
"Oh, love, no. You're not weak just because you have anxiety. And you are more than good enough to be the Luna of this pack. Here, how about this. We can shower together, and I️ will make sure that you feel nice and relaxed after, but I️ promise that it won't go too far. I️ can hold myself back. I️ just really don't want to be without you right now. But only if you're comfortable with it."
"You promise it won't go too far?"
"I️ promise."
I️ bit my lip, pulling away from him but grabbing his hand and leading him to the bathroom with me. He closed the door behind him, turning the shower on. I️ turned away from him, slowly pushing my pants down my legs until they were off. The shirt I was wearing came down to mid-thigh on me, so he couldn't see anything yet. I️ carefully slipped off the shirt,  pulling it over my head. I️ could hear him undressing behind me so I️ was hoping he was distracted with that and not watching me. I️ unhooked my bra, sliding it off. I️ then pushed my panties down my legs and off. I️ stood there nervously for a second, then I️ turned slightly and looked over to see him turned the other way still undressing. I️ quickly got into the shower without him seeing me. I️ was standing under the warm water with my eyes closed when I️ felt a slight breeze and suddenly there were hands on my hips. My eyes shot open and I️ jumped slightly, even though I️ knew it could only be Theo.
"Did I️ scare you, love?" He asked, and I️ could only imagine the smirk on his face as he moved his hands up and down my sides.
"You didn't scare me I'm just really jumpy," I️ responded quietly, looking down.
"Alex, love, turn around and look at me so I️ can see those gorgeous eyes of yours when I️ say this."
I️ hesitated, but then slowly turned around and looked up at him. His eyes held mine, and didn't wander once.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, I️ was just joking with you when I️ asked if I️ scared you. I️ understand you're jumpy. Okay?"
"Okay Theo."
"Now, come here and kiss me please it's been too long."
"So now five minutes is too long?"
"To not be kissing you? Of course."
I️ grinned, leaning up to kiss him. I️ wrapped my arms around his neck as I️ kissed him, and he held me by my waist. He slowly turned us and backed me against the wall, gently holding me there. He soon pulled away, resting his forehead against mine and looking into my eyes.
"You're so beautiful, love. Everything about you is just beautiful. You took my breath away the moment I️ saw you in the bar that night," Theo said, his hands moving up and down my sides slowly.
I️ couldn't hide the smile that came to my face hearing him say that, or the blush in my cheeks. I️ bit my lip, wanting to shy away from him but knowing that I️ didn't need to, because I'm safe with him.
"See? Fuck. That right there. The smile, the blushing. It takes my breath away. You take my breath away, love," Theo said, moving away from me slightly and groaning as he looked me over.
"You're so gorgeous, love. I️ don't even know how to put into words how perfect you are. I'm having a hard time forming sentences right now looking at you," he said.
"Theo, stop, I️ don't think my cheeks will ever return to their normal color if you keep saying these things about me."
"But how could I️ not say them? It's all true, you're just so amazing... you have no idea how hard it is to resist you."
I️ didn't have a good response, so instead I️ stayed quiet. He flashed me a smile before dipping his head down to kiss my neck. I️ watched him, momentarily tipping my head back as he continued. He was slowly but surely working his way downwards. He kept making his way down, soon getting to my chest. He paused and looked up at me for a moment as if to ask me if what he was doing was okay, and all I️ could do was bite my lip and look at him and nod eagerly. He grinned, continuing. My eyes closed, my arms wrapping around his neck again.
By the time we got out of the shower not only had Theo washed my hair for me and carefully scrubbed every part of me with this body wash of his that smelled amazing, but he had also made sure to make me feel like I'd go crazy if we didn't do something more soon. But, I was definitely more relaxed and much less tense because of what he did.
When we got out Theo gave me another pair of sweatpants and another shirt of his to wear. After we'd both gotten dressed and ready for bed it once again hit me how tired I was. I headed towards Theo's bed, my eyelids drooping more with every second that passed. Finally I reached the bed, and I climbed in and got under the blankets. Theo turned the light off and closed the curtains before joining me in the bed. He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me.
"Theo?" I whispered, wanting his attention but not wanting to wake him if he was falling asleep.
"Yes, love?" Theo said in a tired voice.
"Thank you for everything," I breathed, hoping he knew that I truly meant everything he's done for me even though I was too tired to put it into better words.
"Of course, love. You deserve it and so much more."
"Goodnight, Theo."
"Goodnight my love."
•••
I woke to a rustling sound and what sounded like someone dropping something, and I opened my eyes quickly as a reflex. I looked around the room groggily before realizing that Theo was not in the bed with me and he was in fact trying to get through the door with a tray of something.
"Theo?" I questioned, sitting up in bed.
"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to wake you," he said, finally successfully keeping the door open wide enough for a long enough time that he could get himself and the tray through the door.
"It's fine... what are you doing?"
"I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed..."
"Aw, Theo, thank you. C'mere."
He walked over and set the tray down as I hugged him and then kissed his cheek.
"What, I don't get a real kiss?" He asked, leaning towards me.
"Theo! I haven't brushed my teeth yet!"
"So? Who cares? I want a real kiss."
"Me! I care!"
"Alex please," Theo groaned, burying his face in my neck.
"No Theo," I said, trying to ignore it when he started kissing my neck.
"There's nothing I can do to change your mind?"
At this point he was doing way more than just kiss my neck and I had to try hard to not show him how much I was enjoying it.
"Nothing. If you want to kiss me now you need to let me up so I can go brush my teeth. Or you can wait and I can brush them after I eat."
"Nope. Don't wanna wait."
I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me. Standing up from the bed, I headed towards the bathroom, vaguely noticing Theo following behind me. Once I was in the bathroom I grabbed my toothbrush and began putting toothpaste on it. Once I started brushing my teeth Theo walked into the bathroom, standing behind me. I raised my eyebrow at him through the mirror, but he just ignored it. He wrapped his arms around my waist trying to subtly start kissing my neck, as if I wouldn't notice. My free hand gripped the counter as he started on one specific spot on my neck. He knew how I'd react if he did this.
I was distracted for a moment but then I quickly finished brushing my teeth, putting the toothbrush back where it went and just holding onto the counter as he continued on my neck. I'm not sure if he'd even noticed that I finished brushing my teeth.
"Theo..." I began, but ended up not finishing my sentence because I was too distracted.
"Yes, my love?" Theo responded, clearly fully aware of what he's doing to me.
"I..."
"Cat got your tongue? Or is there something else that's keeping you quiet..."
Theo quickly turned me around to face him, his hands grasping at my hips as he pulled me in for a kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, quickly getting over my surprise at how intense everything he was doing felt. My fingers moved into his hair as he pulled me impossibly closer to him.
When we finally pulled apart I could barely catch my breath. My eyelids felt heavy, so I kept my eyes closed as I rested my forehead against his. Theo rubbed his hands up and down my sides, chuckling when I moved my head to his shoulder.
"Would you like to go eat, love?" Theo asked me, finally resting his hands on my hips.
"Mhm...only if you promise we can continue this afterwards," I responded quietly, not moving yet.
"You say that as if it's an offer I could even dream of saying no to. Of course we will pick up right where we left off after breakfast."
"Okay good."
I finally moved away from him, walking back into the bedroom. I looked at the tray Theo had brought in earlier to see he had prepared some of my favorites. On the tray was my favorite tea, scrambled eggs with a bit of shredded cheese in them, bacon, toast with butter and strawberry jelly, and a bit of fruit.
"Oh, Theo, this is amazing, thank you so much. You'll have to tell me who cooked all of this so I can thank them later," I said as I sat on the bed, sliding the tray in front of me.
"You're looking at him," Theo responded as he went around to the other side of the bed and sat next to me.
"Seriously? I didn't know you liked cooking."
"Yeah, I actually love to cook, my mother taught me, and she loves it even more than I do. I'll make a lot of things for you in the future, love. You've just got to stick around long enough to see it."
"I don't think you have to worry about that, darling. I have a feeling that you're gonna be stuck with me for quite some time."
"Good. I don't want you going anywhere."
I smiled at him for a moment, a feeling of contentment settling into my body, before saying, "now come here and eat this food with me please."
He grinned as he moved closer to me and moved the tray so it was right in the middle of us, and handed me one of the two forks on the tray. I gave him one last peck on the lips before I began to eat the delicious food in front of me.
After we finished Theo took the tray back out to the kitchen, and when he came back I stared up at him from under my lashes as he sat down.
"So," I began, making sure I had his attention before continuing, "where were we?"
"Oh I think we were right about here," he responded as he leaned over me and kissed me.
I pushed him back, moving so I was straddling his lap, barely breaking the kiss. With one hand on the back of his neck I kept the other resting on his cheek. He grabbed my hips, seeming slightly surprised with my actions.
"Fuck, Alex, where did this come from?" Theo groaned as I moved to his neck.
"You have been driving me crazy. I can't stand it anymore. I want you. And I'm damn near about to say fuck what the pack thinks, because I don't know how much fucking longer I can hold off for. Because damn it, I really, really want you," I responded, sounding a bit desperate towards the end.
"Does that mean what I think it means?"
"It means soon, very, very soon... next time it feels right I won't hesitate... I don't care what anyone will say anymore."
Theo leaned up and kissed me softly, holding me gently against him. I smiled, resting a hand on his cheek.
"Hey," I said when we pulled apart, making him look at me, "can I tell you something?"
"Of course, love."
"You make me really happy. Really, really happy."
"That's amazing Alex, all I want is for you to be happy. No matter what I want you to be happy. That's my priority."
I smiled, kissing him softly one more time. His hand found mine and he intertwined them loosely, playing with my fingers. I laid my head down on his shoulder, feeling at ease as he moved his fingers along mine.