Hooked The Making of an Addict

Chapter Eight: The Rocky Road

I spent the rest of the day avoiding CeCe as much as possible. I didn't even want to look at her knowing that she knows. Her words played on repeat while I was in my house getting my stuff. There was an eviction notice on the door. I wondered if the landlord even knew what was going on. 

I walked slowly through my house like I always had. Careful not to make too much noise. I knew my mom was gone and my dad wouldn't be coming back today but it was out of sheer habit to sneak around. 

It has only been a couple days away from here but I could still feel the tension that lingered in the air. I knew in that moment that CeCe was right. I would never admit it out loud but this house was haunted by the terrifying memories of pure hatred. 

I could almost hear my dad screaming and my mother crying. I knew it was impossible but it sounded so real. These walls would be screaming for all of eternity but I would be the only person who could ever hear them. 

"You can't go back there."

"You can't go back there."

"You can't go back there."

A continuously loop that will taint my thoughts forever. 

I finished in my room and as much as I didn't want to I went into my mom and dad's room. The room was dark even with the lights on. The feel of the Grim Reaper's touch still lingered. The bed still looked the same as it did when her body was laying in it. Nothing had been touched. 

I felt nervous, sick, and angry. In just a few days my life had completely flipped upside down.

I looked around the room trying to find something of my mother's that I could take with me. I knew when I walked through the door that this would be the last time I would ever see this house. Unfortunately most of her jewelry was gone. Disappearing slowly over the years to pay for her medicine.

The only thing left was a broken necklace on her nightstand. I didn't even know if it was actually hers but I put it in my pocket anyways.

"Are you about ready? We need to get back soon." Michael said appearing in the doorway. 

"Yeah." 

I didn't speak the entire ride home and I didn't eat dinner. I stay in my room for the rest of the evening wishing I could just hide from the rest of the world forever. I hated everything about this. It felt so much longer than just a few days. 

I realized that I had no idea where my mother had been buried. This fact slowly sent me into a small panic attack. It was bad enough that I would never physically see my mom again now I wouldn't know where to visit her grave at either. The more I let my brain wander the angrier I got. I just wanted to break something. Anything. 

Then I thought about the pills in Oli's nightstand. Earlier they had given me a a weird hyped up feeling. I considered taking a couple more. Anything would feel better than this. 

That thought sent my mind racing into a different direction. A list of pros and cons consumed my mind. 

Pro: I would feel better long enough to get to sleep. 

Con: Oli might get mad if he finds out. 

Pro: I might sleep all night. 

Con: Ann and Michael might find out. 

Then came the reasoning for the cons. 

I could just apologize. 

This went on in circles over and over again until I couldn't take it anymore. I just took them. Three to be exact. I figured if two had me feeling hype then three would actually get me hype.

I went to the bathroom and ran some water. I cupped my hand collecting enough water to swallow the pills then I waited. I hoped no one would need to come in. I was enjoying the sense of privacy. 

I felt like I waited days for the good feelings to come along. I just wanted to feel them instantly. I wanted to quit thinking about everything I hated. Being in my parents room again made me feel dirty. Like I was never meant to be there in that moment. Like I should have never gone back. 

There was a knock at the door right as I started to feel the first tingle of the pills. I suddenly felt paranoid. 

"Aaron." 

CeCe. I wanted to continue to avoid her. I wanted to stay as far from her as humanly possible. I should have know she would never let that happen. She required attention. 

Another knock. 

"Aaron please open the door."

How do I get her to understand I don't want to be around her when she knows my biggest secret. I couldn't even stand the thought of seeing her face. 

I could hear her jiggle the doorknob and then slide down the door when it wouldn't open. 

"I'm sorry."

I slumped down and then stood up unlocking the door. I don't know why but I felt just a little bit better with her apology. Maybe she finally understood why I couldn't tell. Maybe it was just the power she had over me. 

I opened the door and she fell backwards. 

"Jeez you could have warned me." She said standing up.

"You're not going to tell?" I asked.

"Can we compromise?"

"No."

"Please hear me out."

"Why?" I asked feeling the tension creeping back in. 

"I promise I won't tell while you walk the rocky road. But if you slip on one of those rocks and go sliding off a cliff I'm telling everything. Okay?"

"No."

"I'm not asking for permission."

"Then why even bother telling me?"

"I know what that life is like Aaron. I know from personal experience. Why do you think I'm here? My parents were and still are total shit. They are never going to change. That's how some people are and if your dad did the things you said he did then he's just like them. No matter how many times he's told you he will make everything different the next day it will never stay that way. Some people are just sick and there's no way to fix it."

I gave her a glare full of hatred as I pushed past her. I didn't want to be here. Not with her. I wanted to just feel good. I just wanted to not think for a little bit. 

She grabbed my wrist before I could get all the way out the door. 

"Wait."

"Why?"

She lifted up her shirt and turned around showing me her scars. All I could was stare completely shocked. Maybe she knew more than I thought she did. 

"You're not in this alone anymore Aaron. You don't have to hide your scars."