Sorry, I haven't updated in so long. I've been dealing with a lot. So recently, I met an old friend for lunch. And I found out she has a failing lung and if we are being completely honest here, I'm not prepared to Lose her too. I can't see her go. I've been falling apart in my own misery already and to see one of my best friends go is unreal. and even if we live and die by our own rules, life still takes its toll. all of this hurts. And as the tears run like razor blades across my skin, I sit and think of a world without her but I can't. I've been doing things to my body that no person should feel or go through. But I feel as though all of these things are my fault. Nikki means a lot to me. I can't--
