Trigger

43

Julianne Victoria

Susuko na yata ako.

It has already been three weeks, and I have not yet heared anything from Alexander. Nakailang beses na rin akong pabalik-balik sa Imperio, but to no avail. I was still black-listed at kahit anong paki-usap ang aking gawin ay hindi man lang nila ako mabigyan ng sagot kung nandoon ba ang boss nila o wala.

Ang galing ko na ring magtago for I don't even think Clyde and Sara has any clue, and if they did ay hindi sila nagtatanong kung bakit pabalik-balik nila ako doong ipinagda-drive.

I was becoming pathethic and desperate. Bakit pa kasi ako pinanganak at inanbuman ng unli-hope? My psyche was barely holding it together at kasing nipis na lang yata ng sinulid ang pagiging okay ko, all because of my foolish heart's fault.

It was unbelievable how I was still hoping, still waiting and yet it seemed like Alexander had erased me in his life. No explanations, no goodbyes and only a crippling affliction of emotions was left with me.

Work was the only thing that kept me going at hindi ko na matandaan kung kailan ako huling napag-isa maliban sa pagtulog. Siguro ay nagtataka na rin sina Leslie kung bakit hindi ako tumatanggi kapag nag-aaya silang lumabas at nagpapasalamat naman ako dahil hindi nila ako inuusisa.

....

Today marked the second month of being left by him and I just got outside my bathroom. I took a half day from work to buy something to confirm my suspicions, and true enough I was right. Two red lines. Buntis ako.

Naupo na ako sa kama. Ilang segundo kong pinagmasdan ang tatlong piraso ng pregnancy kit na hawak bago nanginginig ang mga kamay na sinapo ang tiyan. Napaiyak ako...sa saya...sa lungkot at hanggang naging tahimik na hagulhol.

Then my emotions shifted and I let out a low chuckle. Hindi ko alam kung masaya o mapakla iyon but I knew that I had to get my shit together starting that second. I knew that I should not be dwelling and instead, I should be shifting all my positive attention and emotions towards the life inside of me.

Surprising myself, I decided that I was going to call Marj. Siya ang gusto kong unang makaalam. I was about to get my phone when the doorbell rang.

Napasimangot ako dahil isa lang ibig sabihin ng ganitong tagpo at alanganing oras na may pupunta sa condo. Natatae yata si Eduardo at naiwan niya nanaman ang susi niya sa office? Alam ko kasing umuuwi talaga siya kahit may work or meeting in trying times like that, for namamahay reasons and he even had a medical certificate in case the HR asks of him. Tumayo na ako at naglakad papuntang living area.

Sa unang pagkakataon matapos ang ginawa ni Alexander ay napangiti ako ng totoo. Somehow, with the great news that I just confirmed, some parts of me that hurts the most...does not hurt that much anymore.

Tumunog ulit ang doorbell kaya nagmadali ako ng kaunti. I checked on the peep hole first pero wala naman akong nakitang tao sa labas ng pinto. I decided to open the door to confirm and found no one, except a small gift box wrapped in a black wrapper with a red ribbon tied around it.

Kaagad ko itong kinuha at naupo na sa sofa. It looked expensive as the wrapper seemed customized with intricate foliage and it was embossed. It also looked familiar and maybe because we used materials like these for giveaway mockups whenever we have client events.

May nakaipit na card doon with my name on it, so obviously it was for me. I did not know how if I should be excited or bummed out dahil baka galing ito sa opisina at kailangan kong magtrabaho ngayon. Isipin ko pa lang ang trabaho ay tinatamad na ako.

Naglilihi na yata ako? Kung sabagay ay last month pa siguro ako naglilihi at hindi ko lang napapansin. I seemed to crave for anything sweet kahit hindi naman ako mahilig sa matamis.