Trigger

21

Julianne Victoria

"You call this food?" His venomous voice echoed around the cold walls of the place that I had already decided to be hell on earth. Ramdam ko rin ang hapdi ng kanang pisngi ko dahil doon tumama iyong pyrex na pinaglalagyan ng lasagna. Ininda ko na lang ang sakit dahil alam ko kasing maya-maya ay mamamanhid na ang mukha ko.

Hindi na rin ako umimik at hinihintay na lang ang oras na matapos siya at iwanan na niya ako. I knew that there was another hard hit or slap coming kaya inihanda ko na ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ito tuluyang matatapos, hindi ko rin alam kung ano pa ba ang pwede niyang gawin para tuluyan na akong makumbinsi na pigilan na ang paghinga...or better yet have the courage to finally kill myself pag-alis niya?

Papa God, kunin niyo na po ako pakiusap. I prayed in my head repeatedly.

Pumitik ang buong katawan ko nang maramdamang palapit na siya sa akin.

Dexter. If this was a dream, I'd tip my hat towards him for embodying one of my favorite psychopaths.

'From the thunder, and the storm— And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view—'

Not even Edgar's teenage torments could match this one that I was in.

"Hindi ka ba marunong magbasa ng recipe?!" Halos ingudngod niya sa mukha ko ang may kalumaan ng notebook kung saan naka sulat ang procedure ng sinasabi niyang paborito niyang pagkain.

Nahulog ang notebook sa sahig at nakita kong may initials na nakalagay sa cover nito: SJ. It was the first time that I had seen it closely, dahil ayaw niyang ipahawak sa akin iyon. It was like a precious item for him.

"I am sorry, my love." Automatic kong sagot, para huwag niya akong sampalin nanaman.

And just like that ay nag-iba nanaman ang aura niya. He was really sick. Hindi naman iyong pananakit niya at pagsasalita ang ikinatatakot ko eh. I was afraid of his ever changing personalities.

Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay mayroon siyang DID or something similar. My mother used to give us hindsights about different psyche disorders kapag nangungumusta kami sa mga pasyente niya.

Natatakot ako ng sobra dahil baka ang sunod niyang pagbabago ng personalidad na ang tuluyang sisira sa akin. I was not afraid to die but I was afraid that he won't stop until he had already taken everything from me except my life.

I used to be hopeful, pero habang nagtatagal ako rito ay alam ko sa sarili ko na kung matapos man ito ay hindi ako na ako makakauwi ng buo.

"Hush now. Forgive me for raising my voice, my flower." Kinabig niya ako at niyakap ng mahigpit. It was horrible, feeling his arms around me.

"Why do you always call me that?" I asked, maybe a part of me wanted to understand him. Or maybe nasisiraan na rin ako ng bait? Or worse I might had already developed Stockholm syndrome? I prayed not.

"Because." Maingat niya akong itinulak, noting the change in his tone. A tone of affection, and it was a shock to see the fondness in his cold eyes. It also wasn't its usual blankness, but he was as if on trance and in another dimension, as he talked to this flower of his. Naghintay akong magpatuloy siya. "Remember your favourite disney movie? You are just like the titular role. But you are not a weed...you are my...flower. You have bloomed amidst all the adversity, and for that, you are the most rare and beautiful one in my eyes, and in my heart."

Kaagad akong napabalikwas at bangon mula sa bangungot na iyon. Pinakiramdaman ko rin ang dibdib ko. My heart was beating rapidly at pinagpapawisan ako ng malamig. I breathed hard as I tried to recall my nightmare. Kahit ayaw ko ay kailangan kong alalahanin ang bawat detalye.